Over 700,000 Nepali youths migrate to foreign countries for foreign employment and education every year. Brain drain has become a big problem in our country’s context. Attractive facilities, infrastructure and opportunities to earn good money are considered some of the major causes for brain drain. But is that really it? Nepal still is a patriarchal society. People hold religious views and have traditional concepts. Modern forms of parenting have not been well accepted in society. The relationship between parents and their children aren’t on good terms exactly. If a child chooses science as the stream to further his/her studies after the clearance of the SEE examinations, he/she is talented but anything else except that is simply a disappointment; in most cases. “You live under my roof hence, you have to do what I want you to do” is a common mentality that most of the Nepali parents develop and impose on their children.
Most of the Nepali parents believe that expressing one’s opinion about something is the equivalent to talking back. It is a sign of disrespect. Similarly, speaking when the others, especially the elders are talking is considered an interruption . These practices not only trouble the mental state of the children, but also hinder their physical ability to speak up for themselves and even create obstacles in learning a simple skill of socializing with other people. Children are taught that their opinions do not matter at all from a very early age. Because in Nepal, children who are quiet and obedient are considered well mannered. Mischief and curiosity come to children naturally. It is in their nature to jump, play, shout and ask many questions. Putting a stop to these activities only brings trouble for them later in life. It is harder for girls than boys. Girls are required to speak in a certain manner, laugh in a certain manner, sit in a certain manner, eat in a certain manner, and many more. A girl skateboarding is considered shocking. An act as simple as a girl playing with a skateboard is difficult for society to accept. Scooters are considered more feminine than motorbikes and “suit” a lady better than the latter. This is the ultimate reality of the Nepali society.
If a child tries to speak with his/her parents frankly and share his/her problems, the parents tend to see their child as the sole problem and reprimanded them for being so. All their lives, children bottle up their feelings, unable to speak to anyone about it. This causes a sudden and dramatic explosion of emotions. With nosy neighbours and strict parents, all a child is able to do is to cry silently in his/her room. This system in which parents are unable to understand the psychology of their child has come to such a point that the only thing the children of this generation seek is freedom. Freedom from their familial pressure, freedom to speak their mind, freedom to be selfish and think of themselves once in a while rather than what the society or their parents think of themselves and the freedom to live as who they actually are. Why are the suicide rates increasing every single day? Why is today’s youth a victim to depression? Why are the youth leaving their countries and families and going abroad? When thought carefully and in depth, the answer is quite simple: it is because of the fragile bond between parents and children.
Although not mature, children are humans too. They also need someone to hear them rather than suppress them. Brain drain is a simple solution to all their problems. They get to get away from their families, they find a glint of their freedom that they so longed for and discover a sense of independence and in a way, themselves as well. They delve so deep into their newfound freedom that they forget to come back home at all. The people may be changing along with time but it is quite true that not many things about the system of raising children has changed. It is very rigid and has become a cause for generational trauma. Capturing people in this loop of never ending and ever repeating process of hurting each other. Parents hurt their children with words of negativity . Meanwhile, children hurt their parents by not respecting them and their wishes.
The fact about being children is that all the various phases of their childhood is a phase for development. Every action a guardian takes and every word he/she speaks to the child is etched deep into their minds forming their personality and ideals. Hence, parents and guardians should be mindful about what they say and do in front of their children. To escape from the matrix, the current and the upcoming generation are required to shield their younguns from negativity and let them cherish their childhood days. A safe space to express themselves and a safe space to call home. Home is considered the first school of children. A child’s development in their family helps shape their future in the society.
Dristi Rajak
St Mary’s Secondary School, Jawalakhel
