There’s a popular Calvin and Hobbes quote that goes: Never in the history of calm down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down. For me, no other quote has resonated as much as this one, especially in the past few months when everyone around me has been telling me to calm down or take it easy the minute they see I’m a little worked up. But is there anything such as a stress-free life? Life demands so much from you and it’s not actually all that bad.
I don’t understand why people see every little stress as something negative and even scary. While chronic stress is definitely not a good thing, I feel daily stresses actually keep you on your toes and stop you from becoming complacent. They make you think, ideate, and come up with effective solutions. It can put your brain in problem solving mode and push you out of your comfort zone. There is something called positive stress (eustress) and studies have shown that it can actually be beneficial for your overall well being.
And to be honest, there is no avoiding stress. There are different chores or things that go wrong in the house that need your attention. We all know how frustrating it is to get anything done in Nepal. One simple task needs a dozen phone calls. At work, you have deadlines to meet, difficult colleagues to deal with, issues that need ironing out, and bureaucratic hurdles that give you splitting headaches. Anticipation, excitement, and even anger sometimes can cause stress that motivates you to take action and change what you don’t like about your life.
I’m not talking about chronic stress. I understand that has a lot of negative health impacts but acute stress, those that come and go quickly, isn’t something that needs to be feared and shunned. Most people around me don’t seem to realize that stress is a part of life and you can’t escape it simply by ignoring your problems or ‘letting go’. Talking about your problems or dwelling on them is often seen as marinating in negativity. But for me, discussing issues with my parents or partner or contemplating about them on my own makes me more likely to be able to fix what’s wrong. On the other hand, if I were to simply try to push problems out of my mind (as I’m often told to) I’d inevitably be consumed by them.
I must confess that I’m actually on the verge of losing it if one more person tells me to calm down. When people tell me to let things slide, they are asking me to put up with rude behavior, be okay with not getting things done, or give time for things to settle on their own (which I think is such a cowardly and lazy thing to do). All this, I believe, will make me vulnerable and unable to cope with my problems in the long run as it will hamper my decision-making skills and take me from being an action-oriented to an avoidant person.
As a society, we have adopted a negative mindset towards stress. The moment you tell someone you are stressed or worried, they tell you to take a deep breath, calm down, or just let it go, sometimes even without asking what’s bothering you. ‘Don’t stress’ is the lamest advice I have ever heard. It’s like telling an anxious person not to be anxious or someone who has the flu or a stomach ache to just pretend they aren’t ill. It’s the most useless advice because it doesn’t work and it also shows you that the other person doesn’t care about you or your problems. Have you watched the same people bending backwards trying to fix things when it’s their or their loved ones’ lives in question?
According to Dr Richard Shelton, Department of Psychiatry at the University of Alabama, Birmingham, stress is the body’s fight or flight response being activated and it’s meant to be protective, not harmful. The key, he says in an article I read recently, is viewing stressful situations as a challenge rather than a roadblock.
