It’s really hard to forget someone when you have given everything to this person. These days, many people stay in a relationship though it’s really hard for them to deal with all the things that are going on. Why do some people keep going back to toxic relationships even though they know it’s not right for them?
Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist
In this context of relationships, one of the most significant aspects is investment—whether emotional, mental, or even financial. People often continue staying in relationships that aren’t good for them because they’ve already invested so much into it. Psychologically, this is known as the ‘sunk cost fallacy’—the more time and effort someone puts in, the harder it becomes to walk away, even when it’s damaging.
One major reason people stay is the fear of being alone. Loneliness can be terrifying, especially for those who tie their worth to being wanted or needed by someone. This fear often leads to staying in unhealthy dynamics just to avoid abandonment.
Some individuals are validation seekers—they depend heavily on others to feel worthy. For them, being in a relationship, even a harmful one, provides a sense of being valued. This dependence can mask deeper insecurities and make detachment feel impossible.
Low self-esteem also plays a powerful role. People with poor self-worth often internalize blame, thinking the problem lies within them. They may believe they don’t deserve better or that they are responsible for the issues in the relationship.
Past traumas, especially those involving attachment, abuse, or neglect, can shape how someone tolerates pain in relationships. For instance, someone who grew up feeling unloved might cling to even a small amount of affection in adulthood, despite the surrounding toxicity.
In many cases, there’s also hope for change. People tend to hold on to the 20 percent of good in a person while ignoring the 80 percent that’s harmful. They cling to moments of affection or connection, hoping things will get better—often at the cost of their own peace and growth.
To move forward, one must first recognize their own self-worth. Growth begins with understanding that love should not compromise your peace, dignity, or self-respect. Having meaningful conversations, setting boundaries, and seeking support—be it from friends, therapy, or community—can open the door to healing.
Think of a rose: it’s beautiful, but it also has thorns. If you’re not careful, it can hurt you. Similarly, love is a beautiful emotion, but it must be handled with care, wisdom, and respect for yourself.
In the end, staying in a relationship that consistently harms you isn’t love—it’s survival. And you deserve more than just surviving; you deserve to thrive.
