Many years ago, my mother told my father to seek help for his anxiety and depression that perhaps stemmed from a traumatic childhood. His reaction was not only one of resistance but one of outright anger as well. “Yes, I’m crazy,” he said. My parents are medical doctors. So, for me, it came as a shock that someone who actually had ‘knowledge’ about mental health had such a narrow mindset. I guess sometimes societal conditioning can overpower formal education.
It took many years of my mother and I gently coaxing my father to get help for him to finally give in. He agreed to visit a psychiatrist. But he still didn’t want anyone to know. He would meticulously file his medical bills to claim insurance but he would tear and throw all the receipts that came from the psychiatrist’s clinic. He didn’t want anyone at the insurance company to find out as he had been their client for many years and people knew him.
My mother, on the other hand, is extremely vocal about mental health and her awareness and acceptance of it is in stark contrast to my father’s. And she’s even a few years older than my father. But mental health taboo is so deep rooted in our culture that even as I write this I find myself wondering if I’m giving out too much information, and if my father will be upset should he come across this piece (he’s currently out of town so he won’t have access to the physical copy of the paper for a few days so that allows me to heave a sigh of relief).
There is definitely more conversation around mental health than ever before and that is allowing people to open up about their own issues or their loved one’s struggles. But there’s still a sense of unease while discussing mental health as people fear it makes them appear weak and thus gives them a sense of inferiority complex. The social and cultural stigma often prevents people from seeking treatment and, as with most diseases, early intervention is the best hope for a full recovery in case of mental illnesses as well.
A recent survey by the Nepal Health Research Council found that 10 percent of Nepalis have suffered from mental health conditions at some point in their lives. Nepal adopted the National Mental Health Policy in 1997 and has, over the years, demonstrated its commitment to promoting mental health by adopting different plans and policies. But their implementation and monitoring remain weak due to inadequate funding, limited human resources, and concentration of services in urban areas.
I feel social media has a large role to play in raising awareness about mental health, especially among youths. There are many influencers and youth-led organizations that are sharing stories of mental health struggles, whether their own or of people they know, and this has created a community of sorts where people feel supported and not judged. But as someone who has had to deal with a loved one’s mental illness, I know it’s going to take a lot more than just conversations on social media for our society to accept mental health as any other illness people might suffer from like a cold or a stomach infection. They say change starts at home but support from immediate family members can’t do much when you feel you will be shamed and shunned the minute you step out of the door.
When one person in a family battles a mental health issue of any kind, whether it’s mood disorders or addiction, the whole family suffers its consequences. It’s like walking on eggshells all the time. As selfish as it might sound, sometimes I think my mother and I suffered more than my father as our whole world revolved around him. It was almost like one person had the control of multiple lives. My father was living his own life, while dictating how my mother and I lived ours as well. Our moods depended on how he was feeling on a particular day. If he was happy, so were we. If he were sad, upset, or angry, then our day was a guaranteed dud.
It’s only now that my father has started treatment and his mood is a lot more stable that I find myself breathing a little more freely. I’m also not constantly on the edge. Otherwise, I had to be extremely careful of what I said and how I behaved when he was around and that was stressful to say the least. I once read a quote that said, “Most of us who are in therapy are in therapy because a loved one who needs therapy refused to go to therapy.” I used to ‘joke’ (or perhaps it never was just a joke) that my father’s mental health problems were slowly seeping into me. I was always a sound sleeper but as my father’s anxiety and depression got worse, I found myself sleeping fitfully. It also became harder to stay motivated professionally. Sometimes, I felt like doing nothing at all.
It takes a lot to deal with a loved one’s mental health issues, especially when they don’t get the help they need. Greater awareness on mental health and breaking the stigma that surrounds it would definitely help as would policy interventions to make mental health checks and counselling mandatory at schools, colleges, and workplaces. But while all that happens slowly on the side, I believe sharing your story of mental health struggles might help someone else do the same, thus creating a circle of hope.
