I am 24 years old and I’m doing my bachelors. I have a ‘friend’ who copies everything I do. It started with small things like the way I dress and the way I write and speak and slowly escalated to her copying my habits and likes and dislikes. Today, she looks, sounds, and behaves like me. Others have noticed it too and think there is something wrong with it all. I am creeped out too but don’t know how to distance myself from her. Should I be worried? How should I deal with this?
Answered by Aapur Sijapati, psychology student, intern at Happy Minds
While it might sound surprising, this situation is something a lot of people go through. It often stays hidden because they’re scared of being seen as self-centered or full of themselves. At first, most people just deny that it’s even happening. It’s hard to believe that someone might be intentionally copying everything that you are doing and the chances of it being a coincidence feel much higher.
Most people also feel and assume their lives and choices are too ordinary to be worth copying and idolizing, unlike celebrities whose seemingly perfect lifestyles make them more obvious targets for admiration and imitation. But it’s essential to know that regardless of how normal our lives might be for ourselves, some people might have a tendency to desire it.
While certain levels of social mimicry are considered to be normal and done subconsciously like imitating certain lingo or hand gestures, the extremities vary. In this particular case, the fact that it’s obvious to those around her shows that this behavior had been going on for quite some time. It also indicates that it’s time to do something about it.
In order to avoid victim blaming that is a feeling you might be doing something that is causing this or that it is your fault for having someone in your life who copies you, it’s important to try and understand what might be causing the friend to do this.
Oftentimes, confrontation might lead to guilt, which would make rationally dealing with this situation even more complicated. Some reasons that may be causing this could be the friend dealing with her own internal insecurities and self esteem issues that make her feel like she is not good enough. It might also be a way to create a sense of belongingness in a social setting where it is easier to copy someone who is already a part of the group than create a space for herself. Finally, in extreme cases, it could point towards malicious intentions and be signs of stalking.
There could be many reasons why people do such things but the reasons and feelings don’t invalidate the insecurity and lack of safety that the individual who is being copied goes through. It’s important to know that it's not your responsibility to keep her sense of belongingness intact at the expense of your own wellbeing or sense of safety.
One important step in situations like this is figuring out whether the discomfort is mainly caused by the other person’s actions or by other people pointing them out. Ask yourself, what is really affecting you, is it her actions alone, or the growing awareness sparked by others pointing them out? This kind of reflection helps in understanding what exactly feels upsetting and can make it easier to decide what to do next. It’s also useful to think about whether it’s more practical to create some distance or to have a respectful conversation. If distance seems like the better option, how often you see each other matters. Changing that might mean adjusting daily routines or even risking mutual friendships.
On the other hand, a calm and honest conversation might help clear the air and lead to better understanding. While this approach might offer more clarity and help in humanizing the friend, it can also be an uncomfortable step—one that requires emotional readiness for a potentially intense reaction. Still, it’s important to remember that in the case of a negative response, you can’t be held responsible for the other person’s mental or emotional state.
In the end, dealing with someone who copies your behavior too closely can be confusing and emotionally draining. Whether the choice is to take some space, have an honest conversation, or simply reflect more deeply, the most important thing is to protect your sense of safety and comfort. Noticing and speaking up about it doesn’t mean being self-centered—it means being aware and taking care of yourself.
