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One of the most common yet complicated and sophisticated phenomena is parenting. While children may be born biologically healthy, the absence of a nurturing environment significantly impacts their development into healthy individuals. Child development expert Dr Gabor Maté points out that humans are essentially "prematurely born" compared to other species, emphasizing the prolonged developmental period of the human brain after birth.

Due to this extended developmental period, many dimensions of our nature, characteristics and personality are shaped by our primary socialization, that is our family and how we interact with them. Parenting is vast as an ocean; there are still many aspects yet to be discovered and analyzed, but we’ll be discussing only one aspect of it.

Suppose a parent goes to collect the academic report card of a son/daughter, who studies in grade 6 and is around 11 years old. The mark-sheet shows that the child has failed in three subjects. What kind of parent-child conversation will ensue on their way home and later? Part of the most common comment from a parent after seeing the mark-sheet may be like, “We’ve sacrificed so much for you, fulfilling your wishes while setting aside our own…” Though well-meaning, this sentiment can sometimes feel more like a guilt trip, leaving the child burdened with a sense of shame. A similar guilt trip and sense of disgrace grips children when parents encounter unwanted response/behavior from their wards. But have we ever thought as to why our children are responding and behaving in such a manner? Have we ever contemplated why our children are refusing to bother much with academics? Let’s consider a scenario to better grasp the reason.

Imagine someone gifted you a sapling of marigold flower—one that thrives in sunlight and fresh air—hoping it would make a perfect addition to your bedroom, placed elegantly in a beautiful pot beside your bed. And that gift, from someone truly special on a significant occasion, isn’t just an ordinary flower—it carries a deep emotional attachment. You diligently water it every day and provide the necessary nutrients it needs. After two weeks, you notice that the plant looks malnourished. Its leaves and flowers are slowly decaying and drying up. What really comes to your mind? Do you scold the plant, saying, 'I’ve watered you every day, given you all the nutrients you need—why aren’t you blooming? It’s your responsibility to blossom. You need to make me proud and justify my effort and emotional attachment.' 

Do you do this? Of course not because you’re not an idiot. Rather, you curiously search what went wrong and where. Upon googling, you’ll probably find out that the flower needs proper air and sunlight to blossom, and definitely create an environment where the plant can grow and blossom.

In the same way, do we ask similar questions while interacting with our children? Do we try to identify the elements in our parenting and how family relationship dynamics is impacting our children and is generating unwanted behavior in them? Or do we make them feel guilty by questioning their loyalty to our efforts and hardships? Does it serve our purpose? It does not. 

Now, let’s discuss how these kinds of behavior impact and hinder the development of children. We are demanding certain things from children, which they cannot give. It’s not that they don’t try, the reality is they can’t, they are not able to, they don’t know how to. This results in conflict within themselves, between what they are and they are not. A child often perceives and understands that their parents are struggling because of them. They see how much their parents have done for them and question whether they can ever pay for the sacrifices made. If children experience this sentiment repeatedly, they may begin to believe that their existence is the root of their parents' difficulties. This can lead to the conviction that if they had never been born, their parents’ lives would have been easier and more peaceful. This would make children feel responsible for their parents’ hardship and their struggle. They may even start to feel obligated to repay their parents' sacrifices—as if repaying a loan—rather than reciprocating love —a duty rather than a responsibility born out of love. When children internalize the idea that their existence has cost their parents so much, they may struggle with self-worth, feeling that they are a burden rather than a source of joy. This mindset may shape the child to avoid asking or demanding—not out of understanding their parents' limitations,  but because, as they were unable to alleviate their struggles, the least they feel they can do is avoid adding to their burden. This could further weaken the sense of dependency that is essential for children’s emotional and social development.

During adulthood, they may find difficulty in forming healthy relationships as they may constantly seek validation or fear being a liability to others. Interpersonal communication eventually translates into intrapersonal communication. They may eventually shape their self-image through the lens of their parents' perceptions. No matter how much one is able to achieve, they are programmed to connect with their inadequacy and their internalized shame. Their achievements often get overshadowed by what is missing in their life or what they have yet to accomplish. Because the concept of ‘I am not enough’ is so deeply ingrained in them that no amount of achievement during adulthood can cover the deep neglect endured during childhood. 

Now, let’s try to understand from the lens of parents the reasons behind this pattern of behavior. South Asian parents strive to offer more than what they themselves possess, weaving dreams from the threads of their sacrifices, which is perfectly alright. I am not questioning the parents’ intention behind it, rather I am condemning its results. Because actions and behavior driven by such intent come to interplay and influence the dynamics of our relationships. A common example of this unfolds when choosing a school for our children. We strive to enroll them in the best schools we can afford, pouring our resources into giving them the best opportunities. We endure countless hardships to provide as much as possible, yet often overlook the frustration that accompanies these struggles. Through such acts, aren’t we saying to our children, albeit unconsciously, ‘'Look, I’ve endured so much to give you the best. Now it’s your turn to justify my sacrifices by meeting my expectations, especially in academics and behavior”.

Aren’t we trying to compensate for our hardships through our children?

And children are not ready and able to pick this burden of expectation; they shouldn’t be. Research on parenting emphasizes that shielding them from these expectations allows them to explore and learn the many dimensions of life with joy and curiosity. More than that, as they lack the feeling of disgrace and burden, they will be able to depend emotionally on their parents.

Parents do not have to meet every demand or fulfill every whim of their children. While providing everything a child wants seems to be an act of love, it does the opposite of helping a child develop emotionally. Life will bring situations where a desire is expressed but not met, and that is one very important reason why parents need to prepare them for such instances.

But when parents opt to be present with their children during disappointment or frustration, rather than quickly solving the problem or giving them what they want, they provide something so much more valuable. They open the doors for teaching children to recognize, understand and manage their emotions, such as through feeling validation, naming the emotion and then guiding them toward constructive ways to cope.

This not only helps children learn to manage their emotions but also fosters an environment of trust and security. They come to understand that not every need or desire will be met, what’s more, they also learn to deal with the situation.

Lastly, this article is not intended to create guilt, rather its sole purpose is to raise awareness about how we are handling our children. If we strive for perfect parenting, then the need to be perfect will dawn on our children automatically.

Will we ever find peace in this chaos? It’s a question that lingers inside the mind of everyone stuck in Kathmandu’s endless traffic jams. Once a beautiful valley known for its quiet charm, Kathmandu today is trapped under a cacophonous din of honking horns and revving engines. 

The traffic of Kathmandu has become a nightmare for pedestrians and motorists alike. This mess isn’t just due to high numbers of vehicles on the streets; it’s the result of years of poor planning and neglect. Narrow roads built decades ago now struggle to handle the sheer number of vehicles. They are clogged with an endless stream of traffic. Morning and evening rush hours feel like an eternity.

It’s not just the roads that are overwhelmed but also the people’s mind and their hearts. The city itself seems to be staining under the weight of its own growth. While Kathmandu’s ancient temples and narrow alleyways tell stories of centuries past, its roads tell a different tale—one of crowd and chaos. 

Kathmandu is a city trapped in its own rhythm—one that feels unrelenting, exhausting ,and at times suffocating. The energy of the city is undeniable. What was once a place of peaceful spirituality now is locked in a constant rush. Once a steady beat of history , culture and community has become a noise, frustration and uncertainty. The city’s charm is still there, in its temple and its traditions but now it’s harder to hear over the blare of horns. Once the sounds of temple bells and sweet melodies filled the air, and the silence was loud enough to hear our own thoughts and understand each other’s emotions. But now, lost in the same cycle of frustration and rage the city’s noise drowns out everything—and in the midst of the chaos people can barely hear anything let alone their own thoughts. People are constantly swept away  by a surge of nostalgia—longing for a peace they once grew up with as they walk through chaotic streets.

The people who called Kathmandu home are no longer just navigating the streets , they are navigating the frustration and their weariness. Despite numerous attempts at reform from widening roads to introducing more efficient transportation systems, it seems to go into vain. The city’s leaders have long promised a solution, but it never seems to be enough. To see Kathmandu free from all these constant noises and traffic feels like a distant dream. As the city continues to grow, one can only wonder if Kathmandu will ever find a way to break free and return to the rhythm it once knew of. 

As the question still remains, how much longer can people stay trapped in a rhythm that can no longer serve them?

Shraddha Acharya

BSc, IInd Year 

Padma Kanya Campus

Santiago fell in love with the merchant’s daughter 

But as for this dream, needed to be slaughter 

Something great was destined by the universe 

He wondered as if his life was nothing but a curse 

On his way, he had to cross lots of hurdle 

And win the game, slowly like a turtle 

After a long journey, he finally got his treasure 

And Fatima, then everything got filled with pleasure

Shakshi Ojha

Grade XI

St Xavier’s College, Maitighar

With today’s breakneck pace of the world, the phrase ‘worry less, live more’ sounds no less than a distant dream; worry has become our constant companion. As per Elena makovac.et.al in the verbal nature of worry in generalized anxiety: insights from the brain, “worry describes repetitive thoughts about potentially negative events in the future”. These negative thoughts often lead to restlessness and overwhelming feelings which have a direct impact on our day to day living. The endless news updates, social media notifications, and deadlines that we’re bombarded with, in addition to personal challenges, drain our souls leading to the development of our worries. Financial stress, family issues, social circle, job challenges, comparison of achievement and happiness further adds into the mixture turning our life into a pressure cooker of worry and stress that threatens to boil over. But what if we could loosen its grip? What if the key to a more fuller and meaningful life lay in understanding our worries and learning how to live beyond them.

Even though our worry seems to be intensified with constant pressure and uncertainties, it is important to remember that worrying is not contemporary, it has deep evolutionary roots. As per Hanevik and Hessen, in their paper IVF and Human Evolution, “Humans are shaped by evolution through natural selection, as are all species”. This evolutionary shaping suggests that the tendency of worrying once played a crucial role in anticipating and avoiding potential danger. This article delves into the evolutionary and biological foundations of worry and suggests practical ways to mitigate its impact. We can call worry a ‘survival mechanism’ from an evolutionary point of view. Early humans who engaged in worry-based planning likely had better survival rates and more success in passing the gene to the next generation than the rest. Worry compels us to plan, anticipate danger and seek timely solutions. Individuals who were concerned about predators while hunting would have been more cautious and hence less likely to fall victim. Worry inspired proactive behaviors such as securing shelter, storing food and possibly even developing weapons for protection. 

While worry fairly had an advantage in prehistoric times, it might not have the same effect in the present moment. Today we fret over deadlines, social interaction, hypothetical scenarios- not saying these are less worry-some matters but these situations are far off from life and death. Worrying about an ‘evolutionary tool’ that once ensured survival now often disturbs our piece of mind. 

Worry is a result of the brain trying to predict and get ready for possible dangers. As per Meisner et.al in her research “the amygdala is crucial in a wide array of affective and motivation-related behaviors”. The amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure, has a central role in fear processing and initiates the “fight or flight” response in the body.  The prefrontal cortex- front part of the frontal lobe in the brain, located just behind the forehead- subsequently participates in evaluating the identified threat, frequently resulting in strategies to reduce risk, whereas the hippocampus utilizes previous experiences to provide context to the current scenario. At a physiological level, anxiety stimulates the hypothalamic- pituitary—adrenal (HPA) axis, leading to the secretion of cortisol, known as the stress hormone which enhances alertness but may adversely affect memory and emotional control over extended periods. The autonomic nervous system may also be involved, particularly the sympathetic division which could result in superficial breathing and muscle tension. Chronic worry can lead to anxiety, insomnia and even physical health issues like high blood pressure. Studies in neuroscience such as a research done by Molecular Brain, shows “Chronic stress is a psychologically significant factor that impairs learning and memory in the hippocampus”.

There are practical strategies backed up by research and expert insights that can help reduce the impact of worry. One effective approach is practicing mindfulness meditation as it helps us to focus in the present moment, reducing the mental chatter that fuels anxiety. As noted by the American Psychological Association, mindfulness can significantly decrease stress and improve emotional resilience. Setting aside a specific “worry time” each day and telling yourself that you will only think about that problem on that specific allocated time, a concept supported by cognitive behavioral therapy practices, can also help distinguish concerns, allowing you to focus on solutions rather than just being overwhelmed.

The book ‘How to Stop Worrying and Start Living’ by Dale Carnegie offers insight on this topic. He reminds us: “Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance but to do what clearly lies at hand.” Similarly, engaging in physical activities such as walking or yoga is another powerful way to tackle worry, as it reduces cortisol levels, ‘stress hormone’ and boosts endorphins, ‘feel-good chemicals’. In addition to these strategies, limiting our exposure to stress-inducing media and seeking support from trusted friends, family or therapists are some other crucial steps. By embracing these and many other insights, we can transform our relationship with worry, enabling us to live a life beyond it.

Esha Dangol 

BA IIIrd Year

St Xavier’s College, Maitighar