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How can I make deeper connections instead of superficial friendships?

Answered by Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

In an age of social media and fast-paced living, many of us find ourselves surrounded by people, yet feel deeply alone. Surface-level friendships may fill our calendars but not our hearts. So how do we go deeper?

True connection begins with authenticity. Drop the mask. Be willing to show your real self—your fears, hopes, even your awkwardness. Vulnerability invites vulnerability. When you open up, you give others permission to do the same.

Next, listen to understand, not just to respond. Ask thoughtful questions. Remember details. Be present. Emotional intimacy doesn’t come from talking more. It comes from listening better.

Shared experiences matter. Spend time in meaningful activities together: volunteering, traveling, or even having deep conversations without distractions. These moments create emotional anchors.

Lastly, consistency builds trust. Check in. Show up. Keep your word. Depth takes time, but the investment is worth it.

In a world that often celebrates the highlight reel, choose to stay for the full story. Real friendships are not found but built. Also, in this fast paced world, ambition is often glorified, while rest is mistaken for laziness. This imbalance can lead to burnout. People feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and disconnected from their purpose. So, they have issues creating deep connections with fellow people.

It’s important to set boundaries, and to listen to your mind and body. Value deep friendships as a foundation for long-term success. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

How do I deal with jealousy in friendships? Can you also help me make sense of what leads to feelings of jealousy among friends?

Answered by Tashi Gurung, counseling psychologist

Jealousy is a feeling few like to admit, yet most have experienced, even within our closest friendships. While it often carries a negative connotation, jealousy is more common and natural than we might think. At its core, jealousy arises from comparison. We notice a friend landing a new job, achieving a degree, or gaining recognition, and it stirs a quiet voice inside: Why not me? This tendency to compare isn’t inherently bad, but it can become emotionally distressing, especially when rooted in self-doubt.

Low self-esteem is one of the key drivers of jealousy. When we’re unsure of our own value, it’s easy to see others’ success as a spotlight on our shortcomings. Questions like what am I lacking or why am I falling behind can quickly spiral into self-criticism.

Competitiveness can make things worse. In environments like school or work, where performance is often stacked against others, it’s easy to view a friend’s progress as a threat rather than a triumph. And beyond achievement, feelings of exclusion can also trigger jealousy. When a close friend grows closer to someone else, we may feel replaced or left behind.

But jealousy doesn’t make us bad friends, it makes us human. The key is to acknowledge it without shame. By understanding where the feeling comes from, we’re less likely to act out of it or let it quietly strain the relationship.

Self-reflection is a good place to start. Ask yourself: What exactly am I jealous of? Why does it affect me? Often, the answers reveal more about our internal struggles than our friends’ actions.

Building self-esteem is also essential. Reminding ourselves of our strengths, values, and progress helps reduce the urge to compare. So does recognizing that everyone’s journey is different. Another person’s success does not diminish our own path.

Practicing gratitude can also shift perspective. When we choose to celebrate our friends’ wins, it fosters connection instead of competition. Reframing jealousy as inspiration—rather than resentment—can be motivating. If your friend achieved something you admire, perhaps it’s a sign to pursue something similar in your own life.

And when jealousy stems from feeling left out, open communication can help. A simple statement like “I’ve been feeling a bit distant lately—can we catch up soon?” can lead to honest conversation and reconnection without blame.

Jealousy in friendships isn’t a sign of failure  but how we handle it can shape the health and longevity of the bond. With awareness and compassion, it can be a gateway to growth in ways you never imagined possible. 

I am 24 years old and I’m doing my bachelors. I have a ‘friend’ who copies everything I do. It started with small things like the way I dress and the way I write and speak and slowly escalated to her copying my habits and likes and dislikes. Today, she looks, sounds, and behaves like me. Others have noticed it too and think there is something wrong with it all. I am creeped out too but don’t know how to distance myself from her. Should I be worried? How should I deal with this?

Answered by Aapur Sijapati, psychology student, intern at Happy Minds

While it might sound surprising, this situation is something a lot of people go through. It often stays hidden because they’re scared of being seen as self-centered or full of themselves. At first, most people just deny that it’s even happening. It’s hard to believe that someone might be intentionally copying everything that you are doing and the chances of it being a coincidence feel much higher.

Most people also feel and assume their lives and choices are too ordinary to be worth copying and idolizing, unlike celebrities whose seemingly perfect lifestyles make them more obvious targets for admiration and imitation.  But it’s essential to know that regardless of how normal our lives might be for ourselves, some people might have a tendency to desire it. 

While certain levels of social mimicry are considered to be normal and done subconsciously like imitating certain lingo or hand gestures, the extremities vary. In this particular case, the fact that it’s obvious to those around her  shows that this behavior had been going on for quite some time. It also indicates that it’s time to do something about it.

In order to avoid victim blaming that is a feeling you might be doing something that is causing this or that it is your fault for having someone in your life who copies you, it’s important to try and understand what might be causing the friend to do this.

Oftentimes, confrontation might lead to guilt, which would make rationally dealing with this situation even more complicated. Some reasons that may be causing this could be the friend dealing with her own internal insecurities and self esteem issues that make her feel like she is not good enough. It might also be a way to create a sense of belongingness in a social setting where it is easier to copy someone who is already a part of the group than create a space for herself. Finally, in extreme cases, it could point towards malicious intentions and be signs of stalking. 

There could be many reasons why people do such things but the reasons and feelings don’t invalidate the insecurity and lack of safety that the individual who is being copied goes through. It’s important to know that it's not your responsibility to keep her sense of belongingness intact at the expense of your own wellbeing or sense of safety.

One important step in situations like this is figuring out whether the discomfort is mainly caused by the other person’s actions or by other people pointing them out. Ask yourself, what is really affecting you, is it her actions alone, or the growing awareness sparked by others pointing them out? This kind of reflection helps in understanding what exactly feels upsetting and can make it easier to decide what to do next. It’s also useful to think about whether it’s more practical to create some distance or to have a respectful conversation. If distance seems like the better option, how often you see each other matters. Changing that might mean adjusting daily routines or even risking mutual friendships. 

On the other hand, a calm and honest conversation might help clear the air and lead to better understanding. While this approach might offer more clarity and help in humanizing the friend, it can also be an uncomfortable step—one that requires emotional readiness for a potentially intense reaction. Still, it’s important to remember that in the case of a negative response, you can’t be held responsible for the other person’s mental or emotional state.

In the end, dealing with someone who copies your behavior too closely can be confusing and emotionally draining. Whether the choice is to take some space, have an honest conversation, or simply reflect more deeply, the most important thing is to protect your sense of safety and comfort. Noticing and speaking up about it doesn’t mean being self-centered—it means being aware and taking care of yourself.

How do I manage anxiety before important exams or presentations?

Answered by Dr Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

Have you ever felt your heart race, palms sweat, or mind go blank just before an important exam or presentation? If yes, you’ve likely experienced anticipatory anxiety—a common but often misunderstood response where the fear of a future event causes overwhelming stress.

Imagine a student preparing for a crucial medical entrance exam. She has studied well, revised thoroughly, and done countless mock tests. But as the exam day nears, sleep becomes elusive, appetite vanishes, and self-doubt creeps in. “What if I forget everything? What if I fail?” This is anticipatory anxiety in action—the fear of what might happen hijacks the present moment.

Why does this happen?

Our brains are wired to detect threats. But in today’s world, the ‘threat’ is not a wild animal—it’s failure, judgment, or embarrassment. Our bodies respond the same way—with increased adrenaline, tension, and a flood of negative thoughts.

How can we manage it?

Acknowledge the anxiety
Recognizing that you’re anxious—and that it’s normal—is the first step. Most high-performing individuals experience pre-event anxiety. It’s not a weakness; it’s part of being human.

Practice relaxation techniques
Deep breathing, grounding exercises, and mindfulness help calm the racing mind. Even five minutes of slow breathing can activate the body’s relaxation response.

Shift your focus
Instead of obsessing over the outcome, focus on your preparation and effort. Affirmations like ‘I am prepared and I will give my best’ help reframe thoughts.

Visualize success
Athletes do it—and so can you. Close your eyes and imagine yourself walking into the exam room or onto the stage, calm and confident, performing well.

Stick to a routine
Eat well, sleep adequately, and avoid last-minute cramming. A healthy body supports a calm mind.

Anticipatory anxiety doesn’t mean you’re not ready—it means you care. But with the right tools, you can turn that nervous energy into performance fuel.