Mind Matters | Dealing with failures
After experiencing repeated failures, some people lose the will to try again. How can they rebuild resilience and move forward without fear?
Answered by Khusbhu Agarwal, Psychologist, Happy Minds
The first few effects of persistent failure feels like a myriad of negative emotions. Disappointment, frustration, sadness, and even shame will always feel overwhelming. Ignoring these emotions is to build a wall against a fully blown dam. It’s hard when you fail over and over again, as this prevents you from attempting new things. Re-establishing resilience is not an instant solution, but rather a process that is attainable. To do so, it’s as simple as talking to a trusted family member, friend or therapist, as they would be able to give you the emotional support you seek. Doing this allows you to not suppress the feelings of disappointment, sadness, and frustration as your emotions will rather be validated.
Journaling, on the other hand, also helps you to process your thoughts and gives you a sense of clarity. Speaking to someone can also help you shift or change your perspective and the way you view failure. It’s crucial to look at failure as a learning curve instead of a benchmark to judge your worth. The way you perceive failure greatly impacts your ability to bounce back from it. Sometimes generalizing leads to a specific conclusion like everyone on this planet will fail or at least face one type of obstacle in their contacts and not letting every hurdle prevent them from succeeding in life. On top of that, it’s taxing when people don’t appreciate hard work. You should always celebrate your achievements on a personal level as those are reminders to yourself that effort was made and progress was achieved. Such easily achievable tasks can assist in rebuilding your confidence. Additionally, being kind to yourself, in the same way you would extend compassion towards others who are struggling, is extremely crucial.
Strategies and mindset both play a role in resilience, so building practical strategies is equally important. Positivity is one of the many tools that aids in resilience. Surrounding yourself with people who exhibit positivity can energize you and help you during difficult situations. Creating a strong supportive network can serve as a safe place when you experience troubling times.
The nervous system can be calmed through meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga. The basic physical needs of having carbs as comfort foods, working out, and dozing off to regain energy is vital in enabling further productivity. Pick a day in your calendar and block it off to schedule worrying. It might sound odd but this stops you from worrying for days and aids in breaking down problems into simple constructive and achievable bits.
Understand that it’s vital to remain open minded towards whatever change comes your way and change your plans accordingly as it’s impossible to manage every result. What is manageable is your effort and attitude. Let your worries motivate you instead of letting them control you and take reasonably calculated steps out of your safe space. Picture your triumph, see yourself successfully completing your objectives as it also serves to inspire and increase your self-belief. Even tiny steps can aid you in beating fear and developing momentum. Also,don’t ignore the fact that every single person is living with a certain sense of vulnerability, learning to accept what they don’t know and concentrating on the now.
Having strong determination and resilience is an overall lifetime journey, not a one time event. Achieving goals requires continuous purposeful actions, kindness towards yourself, and willingness to develop and make changes. If these techniques are put in practice consistently, people can build their strength and determination, overcome their fears, and be able to look forward with a sense of purpose and hope.
Mind Matters | Not getting your due
A person works hard but often gets overlooked for promotions. How should they navigate this situation—should they speak up, change jobs, or change their approach?
Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist
It’s frustrating when you work hard but feel like no one notices. You might start questioning your worth, wondering if you should speak up, stay quiet, or even look for another job. Being ignored at work can make you doubt yourself, feel less motivated, and even cause burn out. But before you decide what to do, let’s see why this happens and how you can take charge of the situation.
One reason could be an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ scenario. Sometimes, your hard work happens behind the scenes. If leaders don’t see it, they might not realize how much you’re contributing. Being good at your job isn’t always enough—you need to make sure others notice your efforts.
Second would be you’re too modest. If you don’t like talking about your achievements, others might not know how much you’ve accomplished. While being humble is great, it can backfire if people who promote themselves get all the attention.
Also, it happens when you doubt yourself. Do you feel like you’re not good enough for a promotion? This kind of self-doubt can stop you from speaking up, which makes it easier for others to overlook you.
So, what can you do about it?
First, it helps to understand Your Workplace. Pay attention to who gets promoted and why. Is it based on hard work, connections, or something else? Knowing this can help you figure out how to stand out.
Next, show your achievements. Don’t assume people will notice your work. Keep a record of your successes—big projects, results you’ve delivered, and positive feedback. Share these in meetings or during performance reviews.
Talk to your boss. Don’t wait for recognition—ask for it. Set up a meeting and say something like, “I want to grow here. What do I need to do to move up?” This shows you’re serious and opens the door for feedback.
Work on building relationships. Get to know people outside your immediate team. Attend company events, connect with leaders, and ask for advice from senior colleagues. Networking can help you get noticed.
If nothing works, then consider other options. If you’ve tried everything and still feel ignored, it might be time to look elsewhere. Finding a workplace that values your contributions can make a huge difference.
Feeling overlooked doesn’t mean you’re not doing great work—it often means you need to adjust how you’re being seen. By understanding why this happens and taking steps to highlight your value, you can take control of your career.
Mind Matters | Striking a balance
Many students today feel immense pressure to balance academics, extracurricular activities, and personal life, often leading to stress and burnout. How can they develop effective time management strategies while also prioritizing self-care?
Answered by Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist
Balancing academics, extracurriculars, and personal life can be overwhelming, especially for students who feel pressure to excel in everything. Modern world can be challenging with the pressure to balance personal life and career and this constant juggling can create lots of pressure and undue stress.
But self care is important. Encourage prioritization and time management. Help her/him identify priorities and focus on the most important tasks. Introduce them to time-blocking or planner apps to create a structured schedule. Suggest the Pomodoro technique (work in focused intervals with short breaks) to boost productivity.
Setting realistic expectations may help. Remind them that perfection isn’t necessary—it’s okay to do her best without overburdening themselves. Encourage them to celebrate small wins rather than fixating on flaws. Promote self-care and breaks. Encourage adequate sleep, a nutritious diet, and physical activity to support mental well-being. Remember to take short, intentional breaks during study sessions. Introduce stress-relief activities like meditation, journaling, or listening to music.
Be a support system. Offer to help with tasks (e.g., quiz her for an exam, proofread an essay, or just listen). Remind them that it’s okay to ask for help from teachers, friends, or counselors if needed. Make sure they make time for fun activities and socializing to avoid burnout. Encouraging them to pursue hobbies that make her happy outside of academics may be beneficial too.
If they are overcommitting, remind them that it’s okay to say no to some activities to prevent exhaustion. Helping them assess whether every extracurricular is truly beneficial or just adding unnecessary stress. Lead by example. Show how you manage stress in a balanced way—this can be motivating. Offering emotional support and reminding her that success is not just about grades but also well-being can make a huge difference.
Mind Matters | Raising children
How can parents strike a balance between setting expectations and giving their children the freedom to explore their own interests and career paths?
Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychiatrist
Parenting is a delicate balancing act that involves guiding children toward success while giving them the freedom to explore their passions. Many parents set high expectations out of love, believing that structure and discipline will pave the way for a secure future.
The challenges parents face in setting expectations often stem from deeper psychological reasons. One common factor is the fear of uncertainty. Parents worry that their child will make poor choices or struggle in life, leading them to impose strict rules and goals in an attempt to secure their child’s future. This fear, while well-intentioned, can result in excessive control, stifling a child’s ability to grow independently.
Another factor is unresolved personal aspirations. Some parents unconsciously push their children toward careers or paths they themselves wished to pursue, projecting their own unfulfilled dreams onto their children This can create tension if the child’s interests don’t align with their parents’ expectations.
Additionally, the need for social approval plays a significant role. Societal and cultural pressures often make parents feel responsible for their child’s success, leading them to set rigid goals that might not align with the child’s strengths or passions. This can create a disconnect between what the child wants and what the parent expects.
Encouraging open communication through regular, judgment-free conversations with your child about their dreams, strengths, and challenges can help build trust. Instead of saying, “You must become a doctor,” try asking, “What excites you about your future?” This approach allows children to express themselves without feeling pressured.
It’s also good to recognize individual strengths. Every child is unique, with their own talents and abilities. Instead of comparing them to others, focus on helping them build on their strengths. If they struggle in academics but excel in creative fields, support their natural abilities while encouraging well-rounded development.
You can also teach responsibility and not take to controlling your child. Rather than enforcing strict career choices, teach your child how to make informed decisions. Encourage internships, volunteer work, and exposure to different fields so they can explore various paths with a sense of responsibility.
And lastly, be a support system and not a dictator. Children thrive in environments where they feel supported rather than controlled. When they know you trust them, they are more likely to seek your guidance instead of rebelling against it.
Parenting is not about control. It’s about guidance. Ultimately, the goal is to raise confident, independent individuals who feel empowered to pursue their dreams while knowing they have a strong support system to fall back on should they need it.