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Are self-help books actually helpful? That’s debatable. It depends from person to person and on what someone is looking for at a particular point in their life. I know people who hate self-help. They find it preachy and pretentious. Then there are others who only read self-help, attracted to them as moths are to light. It gives them perspective and helps them make sense of things, they say. I fall somewhere in the middle. I don’t dislike the genre but I also don’t buy every new book that comes out making bold claims to change your life or transform the way you look and feel.

Occasionally I feel like I need a pep talk or some guidance and that’s when I pick up self-help. ‘The Happiness Project’ by Gretchen Rubin is one of my favorite books in the genre and I’m constantly re-reading that. But there are others too that have changed my ways of thinking and helped me bring some discipline into my life. I usually pick up self-help books that don’t have to be read in a single shot or in a linear pattern. I prefer those you can dip in and out of these books but you still find some nugget of wisdom to rewire your brain. Here are three such brilliant books that you can pick up as 2024 comes to an end to ensure you are ready to face 2025 with an open mind.

Living the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

I have heard a lot about ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron. It’s supposed to be a transformative book that teaches you how to, as cliché as it sounds, be the best version of yourself. The book was an instant bestseller when it was published in 1992. It teaches people techniques and exercises to become confident and creative. Cameron also ran The Artist’s Way online course on her website, with 12 weeks of videos to supplement the structure of the book. She is also called the ‘Queen of Change’.  In ‘Living the Artist’s Way’ published earlier this year, Cameron shows you how to seek and accept guidance to become more creative. The book teaches you how to connect with the intuitive power within yourself and trust the answers you receive.

The Pivot Year by Brianna Wiest

This is a really easy-to-read book. Though the book is a compilation of 365 daily meditations, you can randomly flip to a page and just read that. If you want to change your life in 2025, then this book can help you do that without overwhelming you. You will gradually learn how to do and see things differently and become a different person. The person you want to be is already within you, says Wiest. You just have to convince your mind to act consistently on what your heart already knows it wants to do. This book is for anyone standing at the crossroads of where you are and where you want to be. There are no studies quoted to back what is said so the book reads like an affirmation of sorts and that helps you simply complex ideas.

You’re a Badass by Jen Sincero

I have to confess that the bright yellow cover made me buy this book. I knew nothing about it. But I’m glad that I picked this one up. It’s basically a pep-talk in 200 something pages that you didn’t know you needed. There is nothing new here but everything Sincero says has been pushed to the back of your mind and you don’t know you need a refresher course until you get one. It’s a simple book that you will be able to breeze through unlike heavier self-help titles like ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear that you need to sit down with a notebook and pen by your side. The theme of the book is basically self-love and each chapter ends with a powerful reminder to be kinder to yourself. If I had to choose one book to help me prepare for 2025, it would definitely be this one.

‘Notes on Heartbreak’ by Annie Lord must be one of the most honest memoirs I have read. It’s a raw and intimate look at heartbreak and all the complexities it entails. The author doesn’t try to portray herself in a good light–as someone who had control over her emotions and took things one day at a time. She lays bare her sufferings and shows us how [badly] she dealt with things. She was a mess and she’s not afraid to show it as breakups are messy and traumatic, and she’s only human.

In most memoirs, writers try to show their good side and often sugarcoat their weakness, pinning the blame on someone else. They show themselves as victims, which they might have been, but in doing so they tend to invariably make us believe that the people in their lives have somehow been responsible for everything that has happened to them. They hardly ever take ownership of their actions. This is how ‘Notes on Heartbreak’ differs from the rest.

Despite reeling from a broken heart, Lord keeps things quite neutral. Joe is just another human, with his own set of flaws and baggage. He’s not someone who purposely tried to ruin Lord’s life. It’s quite easy to come out of a breakup bitter and cynical–after all, it feels like the one central truth of your existence has been shattered. But as Lord tells a love story in reverse, she shows you that pain can sometimes teach you important lessons, and that every story has at least two sides to it.

The autobiographical and poetic exploration of a five-year relationship coming to an end is heartwarming, funny, at times sad, and over all a beautiful meditation on love, longing, and loss. Lord shares inside jokes and tender moments to justify her rage and confusion. She can’t figure out why Joe would choose to end a perfectly good relationship. She longs for love, lives in denial for a while, and unsuccessfully tries to move on too fast. Her experiences could mimic that of many readers and make them realize that they aren’t alone, that their pain is felt and shared by every person who has ever fallen in love.

Notes on Heartbreak isn’t a story about a single heartbreak. It tells a universal story. It’s for anyone and everyone who has loved someone. I was reading a book on heartbreak and loss right before picking up Lord’s memoir. I won’t mention which book it was because it was horrible. So I was skeptical about Notes on Heartbreak. But the writing style was refreshing and I was hooked right from the start. It isn’t preachy. Lord isn’t dishing out advice on how to get over a heartbreak. She simply shares her thoughts and feelings, making you feel heard and validating your extreme emotions. The book is quite thick but the story doesn’t feel dragged out. I would highly recommend it.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59777955-notes-on-heartbreak 

Notes on Heartbreak

Annie Lord

Published: 2022

Publisher: Trapeze 

Pages: 385, Paperback

Robert Sapolsky rose to prominence following the publication and success of his book, “Behave,” which probes in microscopic detail, “The biology of humans at our best and worst.” It is a long book tackling issues of great complexity and challenge. If anything, the latest book, “Determined,” dives into the issue of even greater depth, and after going through scientifically informed analysis, concludes that there is no free will. Like the physical world outside, the internal world of living beings with their thoughts and actions is wholly deterministic and hence no responsibility for any act can logically be placed on the actor. This conclusion is loaded with implications that are counterintuitive and controversial. Hating someone who has murdered people ruthlessly and calling for revenge is as undeserved as praising someone for the deeds of protecting the lives of many. Hate and praise assumes that the person has consciously chosen to do the act and could have chosen otherwise. The book attempts to prove that such a view is indefensible when the findings of different scientific disciplines are put together and logically analyzed.

The book starts by looking into the immediate neurological cause of any behavior that anyone engages in, occurring seconds before the act. Any act is preceded by the activities of neurons in the brain that causes thoughts, emotions or movement of body parts. But that neuronal activity is preceded by the activity of other neurons and then those by others and so on. Besides, there is also interaction with the immediate environment including response to various stimuli that can influence one’s behavior. At the time of engaging in any act, we perceive being in control of our physical movement and thus our actions feel like having been carried out with intentionality. Even if that were true, the main question to be asked in determining whether free will exists is, “Where the intention comes from?” Sapolsky argues that what can be intended is already restricted and is out of control of the agent as a result of a combination of factors long before the moment of choice. As the famous saying goes, “You may do as you will but you cannot do what you will.”

Moving a little back, hours to days before the action, hormones coursing through the body impacts the excitability of the neurons, making one or other action more or less likely. For example, if there was above average flow of testosterone in the body of any person some hours back due to some physical exertion, it could increase the likelihood of her/his engaging in some aggressive act. But even the impact of hormones varies widely across different persons. It depends on the life experiences the person has gone through including childhood, her/his genetic makeup and culture that the person was raised in. 

The frontal cortex, the brain’s outermost region, considered the seat of rationality, impulse control and gratification postponement, continues its development even after other brain regions have more or less set in their way. So, the experience of adolescence and early adulthood is of great importance for shaping this region and guiding major human behaviors affected by it. Of even greater significance is the experience of childhood, when most of the neuronal connections and brain regions are being actively shaped. Say, someone has deep childhood trauma due to being physically abused or growing in uncertainty riddled poverty. His amygdala, a brain region related to fear, is likely to be larger in size and hyperactive for life and the frontal cortex becomes less capable in restricting impulsive behavior. During adulthood, while moving through a dark aisle, he happens to mistake a harmless passerby, who is getting his hands out of pocket, for an attacker intent on harming him, and in an instinctive self-defense, attacks the person. How free was he and how reasonable is it to blame or worse, hate, him for the attack? Sapolsky views his behavior to be equivalent to that of a car with damaged brakes hitting a passenger. 

There is a popular contrary view that asserts that anyone is dealt with by the lack of genes, culture, upbringing, mishaps of life are out of one’s control, but how she responds to it is where the free will is expressed. However, the book describes this as a dangerous myth. Ability to resist stress, temptations, move on despite suffering and whatever else is implied by willpower is ultimately the result of the brain’s functioning, mostly of the prefrontal cortex. It is thus determined by the factors mentioned above which is the interaction of biology and environment. Both of those are outside the control of the person. Dogmatic belief in the myth of willpower leads to creating unnecessary suffering like by blaming a dyslexic child with inherent inability to read and write for not applying herself in her study or accusing incompetent mothering for developing schizophrenic child.

At extremes like childhood abuse, genetic illness, etc. the lack of free will is relatively easier to appreciate and most of us would not blame someone for being born blind. However, the main object of the book is to show that everything is deterministic, be it the mundane day to day choices that we don’t even care about or the things people do that we feel we would never have done. In fact, as an example, if any of us had been born with Hitler’s gene, in the same womb that he inhabited and had exactly the same childhood and life experience he did, we would have done exactly what he did. Such extreme hypothetical circumstances with mind-numbing implication may be hard to accept but it is what Sapolsky means when he says that the world is deterministic leaving no room for free will to exist. And with that there is no reason to assign responsibility, even for genocide.

Sapolsky ends the book concluding that the fear of personal morality declining and society being uninhabitable in the absence of free will is misplaced. As a proof in form of analogy, he points to the scientifically informed fact that diminishment in religiosity and faith in god has not increased anti-social behavior.

I would highly recommend this mind enriching book which weighs in on a serious issue of great personal and social consequence in a deeply thoughtful and thoroughly enjoyable manner.

How might someone behave after a brain transplant? The possibilities are endless—one could go mad, fall into a trance, behave normally, or exhibit any number of unexpected outcomes. Poor Things, directed by Yorgos Lanthimos—known for his strange, disturbing, and surreal works such as Dogtooth (2009), The Lobster (2015), and most recently Kinds of Kindness—invites audiences into a bizarre yet captivating world, using layered metaphors to explore complex ideas. The story takes an intriguing turn when it introduces Bella Baxter, a fully grown woman brought to life with the brain of an infant, portrayed by Emma Stone.

This Academy Award-winning film thoughtfully explores the developmental journey of a child's mind in an adult body, showcasing Bella’s relentless curiosity and drive to experience life’s mysteries. Her journey is a subtle reminder to embrace life’s offerings as an adventure. The film also delves into the tension between personal desires and socially acceptable behaviors, questioning how our actions are shaped by societal norms rather than our true instincts.

Through a series of events, we witness Bella's transformation from an emotionless character into a person of profound empathy, someone who recognizes the complexities of the world around her. This transformation serves as a metaphor for the need to bring empathy and human understanding into public life.

While Bella’s story presents one side of life’s journey, another perspective is offered through Duncan Wedderburn, played by Mark Ruffalo. The film uses metaphors of sex, food, and sleep to reveal the pitfalls of excess and desire. Duncan’s hedonistic pursuits ultimately lead to his undoing, a cautionary message for contemporary audiences. The recurring scenes where characters repeatedly indulge in pleasurable yet harmful behaviors symbolize humanity’s tendency to ignore the consequences of overindulgence.

The movie does venture into ethically and morally challenging territory. For instance, it features scenes depicting childlike characters in adult situations, which may feel uncomfortable to some viewers. The presence of nudity and intimacy on screen raises questions about appropriateness, especially in scenes involving characters with a childlike mentality. Moreover, certain details about the brain surgery process may also seem scientifically dubious.

Despite these controversies, Poor Things is a thought-provoking film with layers of meaning open to interpretation. Bella’s journey of love and self-discovery—untethered from the weight of her past—adds depth to the story, making it a worthy addition to any watchlist.

Comedy/Fantasy

Cast: Emma Stone, Margaret Qualley, Mark Ruffalo

Director: Yorgos Lanthimos

Duration: 2 hours 21 minutes

IMDb: 7.8/10