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It’s your birthday. Your friends throw you a surprise party. How do you feel? Most likely you will feel good. A year later, it’s your birthday again. The same friends throw you a surprise party. How do you feel? Is it necessary that you genuinely feel like you did the year before? Could there be a possibility that you were needing solitude and so were secretly hoping that your friends wouldn’t ‘bother’ you this time? In that case, you would most likely feel unpleasant feelings even though the action on the part of your friends remained the same. Let’s consider another situation. You and your friend had a plan to go on a road trip. The friend cancels at the last minute. How do you feel? Perhaps frustrated and disappointed. But could there be a scenario wherein your friend cancels but instead of feeling frustrated and disappointed, you actually feel relieved? This could well be the case if you were the one having to cancel because of some issues at home. You were scared your friend wouldn’t understand. Just as you were thinking of a nice way to tell him, he calls you first. We often confuse ‘stimulus’—the words and actions of others—with the cause of our feelings. How we feel can be triggered by other people’s actions, but the cause is our own underlying needs, values, and expectations. This is best explained by how the same action (a teacher’s comment directed at the whole class) might affect one student but another student might not be bothered at all. We experience unpleasant emotions when we cannot meet some of our needs. Your friend canceling the road trip stimulated you to feel frustrated and disappointed. The cause of those feelings was that your needs for fun, adventure, companionship, and reliability weren’t met. Quite similarly, we experience pleasant emotions when we are able to meet our needs—not because someone made us feel so. In the second instance, the stimulus is the same as earlier (your friend canceling), but the cause of your pleasant feelings such as relief was because of your need for ensuring your friend would understand and wouldn’t go ahead without you. In our interactions with people, we either blame them or praise them for making us feel a certain way. ‘Don’t piss me off.’ '’You make me joyful.’ ‘I feel sad because of you.’ ‘You make me feel worthy of love.’ In all of these expressions, we are pointing at other people for making us feel angry, sad, joyful, and worthy. The fact is that our needs are responsible for our feelings, not other people’s actions or their words. Your partner takes you out on a date. What emotions are you likely to feel? Joyful, glad, thrilled? While your partner might have helped stimulate these feelings, the actual cause of your feelings might root in one or more of your needs like closeness, love, fun, laughter. You ask your parents for money to go on a trip with your friends, and they say no. You might think, “My parents are always looking for reasons to annoy me.” The fact is that your parents didn’t give you money and as a result, you felt frustrated or annoyed because you could not meet your need for entertainment or connection with your friends. Your parents’ action is not the cause of your annoyance, it’s only the stimulus. The problem with thinking that other people cause us to feel certain emotions makes us emotionally dependent on them and also stops us from assuming responsibility for our interpretation of events in our lives. We become reactive, especially when our needs aren’t met and therefore start blaming, judging and criticizing others. Let’s try to differentiate between some stimuli and causes of feelings in our daily experiences. Judgmental thought: “Idiot!” Stimulus: My sister didn’t take the garbage out of the house this morning. Feelings: Anger, disappointment, disgust Unmet/unfulfilled needs behind the feelings: Support, order and cleanliness Judgmental thought: “You make me so happy!” (Notice that this is a positive judgment.) Stimulus” A friend abroad spoke to me over a video call. Feelings: Joyful, excited Met/fulfilled needs behind the feelings: Connection, fun, laughter, companionship Judgmental thought: “Such a scary person!” Stimulus: Someone spoke to me in a loud voice. Feelings: Fearful, worried Unmet/unfulfilled needs behind the feelings: Respect, empathy, peace In all these examples, no matter how strong, thoughts like “Idiot!” “You make me so happy!” “Such a scary person!” are all judgments. Being emotionally intelligent means developing the capacity to distinguish between our judgmental thoughts, how we actually feel, the stimulus (the trigger) of the feeling, and the cause (underlying needs) behind the feeling. This insight can be the difference between getting stuck in blame, shame, guilt and/or resentment and resolving differences peacefully. The author is the linchpin at My Emotions Matter, an education initiative that helps individuals and teams learn the mindset and skills of Emotional Intelligence. You can learn more at myemotionsmatter.com  

Police on April 30 arrested Sanjay Regmi from Lazimpat, Kathmandu, on charge of swindling three million rupees from a person with a false assurance of sending him to Australia. On the same day, police also nabbed Man Bahadur Kumal from Samakhusi, Kathmandu. Like Regmi, Kumal too was accused of defrauding a man of Rs 350,000 on the pretext of finding him a well-paying job in Dubai. More recently, police on May 2 arrested one Raju Shrestha for luring a man into paying him Rs 700,000 for a job placement in Cambodia. Incidents of people being conned by fraudulent foreign employment agencies and agents are nothing new in Nepal. Authorities say the cause for concern is that there has been no let up in such cases. This is primarily due to the attractions of foreign jobs among Nepali youths, who see no job prospect or future in their own country. Thousands of Nepalis migrate to several countries for employment on a daily basis. The Government of Nepal has approved 111 countries for labor migration through recruitment agencies. Between 2008/09 and 2021/22, more than 4.7 million labor approvals were issued to Nepali migrants wanting to work abroad, the Department of Foreign Employment says. Nearly all migrant workers from Nepal are young adults and from the economically most productive age group of 18 to 44. As per the Nepal police daily bulletins, the people who are cheated in the name of foreign employment too fall in the same age category. Cheating on a rise The cases of police arresting people on charge of foreign employment fraud has been increasing of late. A total of 1,516 such fraud complaints have been registered in the Department of Foreign Employment so far this year as opposed to 695 complaints last year. ‘Cheating’ is a broad category mostly involving deception and fraud by private recruitment agencies during the pre-departure phase, the department defines. The department gets at least 12 fraud cases per day; some days, it receives up to 80 cases against fraudulent overseas job recruitment companies and agents. On May 7, police arrested Sitaram Bastola for conning 101 people. The 68-year-old is accused of swindling Rs 35.6 million from these people by promising to send them to the US, Germany, the UK and Japan. Nepal Labour Migration Report 2022 explains that the skill of migrant workers is an important determinant for better opportunities, higher salaries and benefits, and stronger bargaining power in the international labor market. Officials suspect many people who end up being cheated by foreign employment companies and agents are those who do not possess the qualifications or the skill sets to apply for overseas jobs through a legal channel. “If you are competent then there is no need to be lured by the cheaters,” says Umakanta Acharya, director general at the Department of Foreign Employment. Migrant workers unwilling to file complaints The task of overseas job recruitment firms, which are popularly known as manpower companies in Nepal, is to connect job-seekers with employers abroad and support them in the overall process of migration such as documentation, obtaining visas, and acquiring labor approvals, among other services. But many aspiring migrant workers are being cheated either by manpower agencies or fraud agents, because there are so many of them for a person to figure out their legitimacy. Officials say despite being conned, many victims are often unwilling to file complaints owing to threats and the fear of retaliation. Where to register? In Nepal, the Department of Foreign Employment and the Foreign Employment Tribunal are responsible for handling disputes related to foreign employment. The department’s Complaint Registration and Investigation Section receives cases against individuals and private recruitment agencies from migrant workers or their family members. Complaints against fraudulent agencies are handled by the department itself, while complaints against individuals are forwarded to the tribunal. The tribunal’s records show that 441, 548, and 316 cases were filed in the fiscal year 2019/20, 2020/21, and 2021/22, respectively. There are also migrant resource centers in 39 district administration offices across the country, where migrant workers can get counseling at the time when they take their passports. The foreign employment department officials suggest people to visit them to verify the legitimacy of the manpower companies and agencies, but such a recourse is rarely taken by an individual applying for an overseas job. “People should not give money to someone. If they have to give money then they must take receipts which many don’t do,” says Acharya. “Many of the transactions are not done through the banking channel. And even if they are, there are no explanations about the reasons for transactions. This is why many people end up being conned.” Since the victims do not always have actual receipt or contract, Acharya adds the lack of evidence makes it nearly impossible for people to substantiate their claims. If someone is transferring money via the banking channel, the department requests them to explain the transfer or the bank deposit as foreign employment. Krishna Prasad Bhusal, information officer at the department, says:“It is not that people are unaware of fraud incidents. They are aware but they still give their money to the agents and manpower companies. “It is difficult to handle the cases and verify the verbal communications because it is difficult to substantiate claims made.” This is why authorities strongly recommend aspiring migrant workers to learn skills, be competent and verify the agencies and people involved in facilitating them. Chiranjivi Baral, National Network for Safe Migration, vice-president  Reason Many Nepali people opt to visit foreign countries for jobs to earn money, because the country does not have enough job opportunities. But what most of them don’t know is that they can go in foreign employment without spending money. Unscrupulous foreign job recruitment agencies and agents take advantage of this ignorance and con people. Solution People must be aware and have knowledge about the process of foreign employment. They should know that they can opt for foreign jobs without spending a single rupee.

Bhabani Khatiwada, a 50-year-old travel writer, is the second woman in the history of Nepali literature to write a travelog in verse poetry. She has two books to her credit and she was awarded the Sahityapost Uttam Kriti Puraskar in 2023 for ‘Gham Bhanda Pahile’, her first work, and ‘Char Khola Ko Aaganima’, a verse poem. She writes about mountain travel and has gone on many solo trips. So far, she has traveled to Sagarmatha Base Camp, Kala Patthar, Kongma La Pass, Cho La Pass, Renjo La Pass, Gokyo, Dolpa, Shey Phoksundo, Tilicho, and Thorong La Pass. She also works as an Agricultural Extension Officer for the Ministry of Agriculture and Livestock Development. Babita Shrestha from ApEx talked to Khatiwada about her writing and traveling experiences. What in your opinion is a good travelog? For me, the best travel writing is that which carries the reader along on the writer’s journey. Every travel writer explores new stories in their journey. On my trip, I found a single mother, who was crying because her daughter from Surket had fallen victim to trafficking. Fortunately, Maiti Nepal saved the girl and contacted the mother. She wanted me to come with her to bring back her daughter because she was scared to travel alone. I couldn’t leave her alone so I helped her get into the Biratnagar bus route and contacted my friends who lived there for help. I wrote this story in different characters. Other literary forms are structured but, in my opinion, travelogs have the flexibility to incorporate other forms, such as poetry and stories, into their framework. How did you become a travel writer? I love reading. When I first started reading travelogs, I was able to experience and see the scenes without even watching or listening to any audio-visuals. It gives the impression that I’m traveling alongside the author and participating in all of the travelers’ activities and experiences. The best travel authors like Pratik Dhakal and Yuvraj Nayaghare inspired me a lot. After reading their works, I started doubting my own existence and how little of this world I had actually observed. Travelog offers you a completely new perspective of the world. These writings allow you to explore your emotions. When I traveled, I could experience more than what I had read. I also observed that people have little to no knowledge about Nepal’s potential travel destinations. So I felt obligated to share a message through my travel memoirs. Have there been some unforgettable moments during your travels?  I was on my way to Kongma La Pass. Above 5000 meters, the weather, avalanches, and glaciers can be uncertain. There were a lot of scary incidents that still give me goosebumps. In the mountains, life is unpredictable. Many people have perished in the mountain storm, and I consider myself blessed to have survived. However, there’s also beauty within these risks and adventures. I once experienced altitude sickness at Everest Base Camp. I was mentally and physically unstable. I recovered after going back to Lobuche (a mountain in Nepal). Although I have encountered many difficulties along the way, I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy any of these thrilling experiences. Is there any particular incident that has stayed with you? I also remember my journey on Cho La Pass. There was a lot of snow everywhere and we could hear the burbling of the river. There was a crater and the land was slippery too. Sometimes I would feel like walking right into it. It was while having that thought that I realized the brevity of human life. Life felt just like a mere flower. Once plucked, it’s gone forever. The dangerous puzzling path sometimes made me think about my own existence. This memory still gives me chills. Also, once I reached above the snowline, I started feeling unwell since I hadn’t acclimatized well. I was weak. At that time, I remember missing my family and energized myself with the memories I had of them. I truly believe family is our greatest strength even when they aren’t around all the time. What advice would you give to someone who wants to get into travel writing? Reading others’ work is the key to becoming a better writer. Books that have already been written are like a heritage which we are losing due to our poor reading culture. Another piece of advice I would like to give is for mountain travelers. In a high-altitude environment, skipping one crucial component can lead to difficult circumstances or even death. So you must know the procedures and rules. Khatiwada’s Picks Ananda Bhumi Ko Aagan by Pratik Dhakal Ananda Bhumi Ko Aagan by Pratik Dhakal is a travelog on Sagarmatha Base Camp. It was published by Dikura Publication and is 246 pages long. Yakji by Yuvraj Nayaghare It’s a book about Yuvraj Nayaghare’s travels to Dolpa. Nayaghare received the Madan Puraskar for his work ‘Ek Haatko Taali’. Aparichit Anuhar by Mahesh Paudyal Aparichit Anuhar by Mahesh Paudyal is a Nepali short story collection published in 2021 by Shiksha Books.

The Nepali Congress faces a moment of reckoning. The country’s oldest political party, which claims to be a bulwark of democracy, is crumbling. This undoing is Congress’s own fault and no other’s. The NC’s loss in the April 23 by-election in its traditional vote base has forced the party to take stock of its principles. The truth is that the Congress party is far removed from the democratic values and visions it espouses. And with the emergence of new democratic forces, mainly the Rastriya Swatantra Party (RSP), the grand old party stands at great and very much realistic risk of losing its supporters. It is high time that the NC reformed itself. A cohort of youth leaders have already been meeting on a daily basis to brainstorm ideas to secure its traditional political bases before they are swooped away by the RSP. It is probably for the first time in the history of NC, an emergent political force—and not its traditional rival, CPN-UML—has posed more threat to the party.  While the NC is still the largest party in federal parliament, it no longer has the luxury to stay content. The electoral verdict of last month’s by-election in Tanahun-1 is a clear indication that NC’s traditional voters, let alone the new and young ones, have had enough of the party. The party has been riven by factionalism and favoritism, while internal democratic practice has long since been abandoned. Earlier, people who held liberal democratic values supported the NC because there was no other viable alternative force. Now, there are clear signs that scores of former Congress sympathizers see their future in the RSP. When Swarnim Wagle, a noted economist and former NC member, left the party to join the RSP, he shared his frustration of working under the current leadership of Congress. He even went so far as to accuse NC leader Sher Bahadur Deuba and his wife Arzu Rana of promoting favoritism in the party. Wagle went on to win the by-election in Tanahun-1 as an RSP candidate with a wide margin against the NC candidate. While Wagle’s departure from the Congress stirred many young and thinking party supporters to question their political loyalty, his impressive electoral win has convinced them to break ties with the party for good. If social media opinions are any indicator, a sizable section of NC supporters is now inclined toward the RSP due to the Wagle factor. This shift is not limited to the urban areas. The RSP’s impact is reverberating in rural parts of Nepal as well. According to one senior Congress leader, scores of party members could defect to the RSP by the next election season. He fears the NC will lose most of its young members and voters if the party fails to reform itself, both at the central leadership and fringe levels. For the first time, according to some NC leaders, Deuba has realized the need to overhaul the party. He has proposed revitalizing the party’s sister organizations which have become more or less defunct due to factional rivalry. But the dysfunctional NC sister wings is only one aspect that the party needs fixing. To prevent young and competent party members from quitting the party, Deuba also recently appointed Minendra Rijal as a Central Working Committee (CWC) member. But Rijal’s appointment is a tiny consolation for the young party members. There is a chronic frustration inside the NC over Deuba’s working style. There are growing calls that there should be a change in the party's leadership through a special general convention. Deuba, meanwhile, refuses to budge. The Congress leader had faced a similar call when the party faced drubbing in the 2017 general elections. Again, his failure to keep the electoral alliance intact following the general elections of last year had also caused the party members to call for his resignation. But Deuba succeeded to maintain his grip in the leadership after he managed to break the coalition between CPN-UML and CPN (Maoist Center) and take the Congress party to the government as a ruling alliance member. Deuba continues to hold a strong sway in the party’s central committee, which is why he has, time and again, managed to come on top, despite all the political blunders he has made so far as the Congress party leader. The party has yet to convene its CWC meeting to reflect on the outcome of the by-election. The meeting is unlikely to take place unless Deuba agrees on it. As the party’s future looks uncertain, some leaders have taken upon themselves to bridge the factional rift within the party. Senior leader Shekhar Koirala has already announced a nationwide campaign in order to boost the morale of party leaders and cadres. A team led by NC leader Gururaj Ghimire has appointed seven coordinators to carry out the campaign. It is clear that the current Congress leadership cannot meet the mounting challenges of reforming the party on multiple fronts, says Ghimire. He adds the campaign is aimed at soliciting the views and suggestions of the general public on reforming the party. Following the campaign, Ghimire and others are planning to call for a special general convention of the party to elect a new leadership. But changing the NC leadership is not an easy task. Deuba, who was re-elected party president just one and half years ago, maintains a strong command in both CWC and Parliamentary Party. The rival camp, meanwhile, is a divided house. Though it seems that senior leader Koirala is leading the rival camp in the NC, it is not so. Many leaders do not see Koirala as someone who can rival the current leadership under Deuba. The rival camp must come together if they really want to put up a real fight against Deuba. Koirala himself faces a competition against Gagan Kumar Thapa to become a rival faction leader in the party. Both of them are vying for the party presidency, as Deuba cannot run again. Though the two leaders had come together during the parliamentary party election held after last year’s general election, the division was clear among their supporters, as the Koirala panel did not vote for Thapa, who was contesting the poll against Deuba. On Monday, Thapa said on a Facebook post that he would take a tough stand against the party leadership in the coming days. He noted that he had long remained silent when the party leadership chose not to follow the set system during the party’s decision-making process. Thapa’s remarks indicate that he is willing to go on a collision course with Deuba, come what may. Youth leader Bhupendra Jung Shahi says as the party is in a very difficult situation, they have no choice but to go against the current leadership to reform the party. It remains to be seen how the Congress will clean up the mess it itself has created over decades.