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One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.” One is Evil—it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

The term ‘Positive Addiction’ to most of us is an oxymoron, isn’t it? It appears to make up a sense of an illogic which is hard to comprehend. This is mainly because the word addiction has such hard-wired and powerful associations to what we have seen, heard, and felt. The only ‘positive’ that we can associate to addicts is their single-minded pursuit for their choice of one’s ‘fix’; and towards which they gravitate by hook or by crook with an astonishing ekagrahta or unparalleled focus.

Let us look at what these words connote—positive deals with all that is good, bright, and wholesome—an expansiveness that reaches from us towards others. It is a movement from the center; to enlarge and envelop an ever-expanding circumference of sentient beings spreading love, caring, comfort, and bodhicitta with its special qualities of friendliness, joy, compassion, and equanimity.

Addiction on the other hand forebodingly conveys a condition of low resolution, dullness, foreboding hues - an ever-contracting selfish state of being parasitically feeding into one’s own entails, moving out toward others once in a while only to satisfy one’s intense cravings to scrounge off others; to devour both others and ultimately in a heroically tragic manner, oneself! The qualities that addiction festers are quite the opposite of bodhicitta and instead of love and caring for others there is more of self-love and selfishness arising from heightened ego state. These are frequently manifested destructively either in aggressive or suppressive forms of behavior. It is but natural then that when we think of an addict or addiction alarm bells are set off and we want to step aside from an addict’s trajectory.

However, in recent years there has been a special space carved out in psychology—under the realm of positive psychology—that attempts at enshrining the positive aspects of addiction. We certainly come across lots of planted stories by big businesses that extol the virtues of workaholics and how it leads to ‘longer, healthier, and happier’ lives but those are not the factitious Machiavellian kind of research that we wish to dwell on here.

The expression ‘positive addiction’ was made popular by the psychologist William Glasser. Essentially what we need to understand is that while addiction to drugs, alcohol, food, smoking, etc. are actually instances of powerful motivation, they erode our moral strength and values, and suffocate flow and creativity. This holds us back from doing our best.

With gross addiction, which after initially catapulting us to vigorous oomphs and aahaa’s of rajasic energy phases, we find ourselves into toxic tamasic dumps, often unable to pull ourselves out of there, even to perform simple day to day chores.

Unlike gross addiction, Glasser believed there were ‘other forms’ of wholesome and enriching addictive activities that give us strength, such as jogging, meditating, writing a diary, exercising, and relaxing. These, he categorized as positive addictions. We often hear people we know complaining how uneasy they are because they did not have their morning walk or skipped their yoga class.  These people, who hanker for their daily game of tennis, or feel very uneasy unless they have their daily ‘legitimate’ walk or jog, will understand what is meant by positive addiction.

Let’s look at some of the main differentiators between positive addiction and addiction. While positive addiction is a self-actualizing phenomenon (remember Maslow?) and invokes a higher spiritual pursuit and intent, addiction is more of an animal need in us. With addiction, the user is obsessively holding on to the thought of the next fix the whole day.

With positive addiction you only think of it once or twice in a day; and after you have performed the activity (such as meditating or jogging), you forget about it until the next day. You get uneasy if you miss your activity whereas with addiction there is continuous obsessive hankering about the ‘fix’; one neither has space nor time for other interests or pursuits. The withdrawal symptoms too are acute, severe and could be fatal sometimes.

However, the most important divergence between them is that positive addiction enhances physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual quality of our life while addiction debilitates and affects our whole being negatively. Positive addiction leads to a healthier and longer life span.

This clearly explains that positive addiction stems from and strengthens our innate self-esteem; while addiction arises from giving up on our dharma or duties or responsibilities. While looking for immediate satisfaction and pleasure to offset real-time failure or disappointment in life, the addict is unable to delay gratification and slips into an abysmal quagmire of harmful addiction. Along with self-esteem two other factors that are deficient in an addict are resilience and hope.

The real tragedy of addiction is the hole that is dug into by the addict, bereft of possibilities—this snatches away the ability from the person to make choices. For the addict, the world exists in black and white. A life in which there is only addiction is a life with no other life! It results in loneliness and isolation from others. 

If you are in a good mood to celebrate, you reach out for your addiction, if you are sad, you reach out for it. If it’s a manner of having fun, or relaxing, or an intellectual-stimuli, or venting out of anger or depression—whatever it is, it prefers to be ‘self-medicated’ with the ‘substance’ of one’s external dependence.

On the other hand, positive addiction allows one a lot of space for possibility thinking and many choices of what we want to do with our lives. On Monday I can choose to read a book, on Tuesday I can paint, on Wednesday I can be playing golf, Thursday I spend a quiet evening, and on Friday I can even go to the pub and chill out with friends…and so on. Life is then vibrant with rich pastels of baroque colors and the in-between shades and hues. One can manifest oneself with an abundant repertoire of thoughts, emotion, and actions. A person with possibility thinking and with a choice of creative abundance dances fearlessly between the innocence of the Fool (zero) and richness of the Magi (infinity).

Today the tendency of gross materialism and a sensate lifestyle takes us far away from our natural curiosity to conjure and manifest unique expressions of possibilities. Isn’t it important, therefore, for each one of us to introspect how much of a choice-making ability we cultivate and how much space for practicing the art of possibility we allow and create in our lives? As the old Cherokee asks, which wolf would we choose?

The author heads Upaaya—a Contemplation and Research Collaborative at Srishti Manipal Institute of Art Design and Technology, Bangalore

A bad dream is not a good way to start a write-up. 

But it can’t be that bad (or can it?), what with the old Delta and new Omicron crises, recurring hikes in the prices of oil and natural gas and subsequent rise in the cost of living affecting our dear lives in varying degrees depending on our respective economic statuses. 

Without mincing words, let yours truly put his nightmare in brief: Shabby public toilets located in a dark underbelly of a decaying city. 

Well, that is what yours truly sees in his dreams once in a while. Where is that city located? Is it the construct of his mind? Yours truly has no idea. Perhaps the nightmare is the result of his recent involvement in some research on the condition of public toilets in the Kathmandu valley or his brief association with the water, sanitation and hygiene (WASH) sector as a small-time consultant in the world of larger-than-life officials/subject experts/specialists/urban planners having unparalleled expertise. Surprisingly enough, our taps have been running dry and public toilets stinking despite huge contributions from these people of high repute and expertise.  

On second thoughts, why blame our crème de la crème alone for all this mess and regard ourselves as holier than thou? We too have some role to play in this, no? 

Can those bad dreams be a call to action from high above? Well, that’s overestimating individual capabilities, though it’s perfect for ego soothing.

While yours truly cannot divine the meaning of those horrific dreams, allow him to share his first-hand experiences and thoughts about the problem with responsible officials, which will surely not make their day!  

My experience of using (or almost using) public toilets in our cities is not much different to that of hundreds of thousands of other people, who have faced similar predicaments and will continue to do so, at least in the foreseeable future, given that magic does not happen in our ordinary lives where the more things change, the more they remain the same. General elections are around the bend, but it will be far-fetched to hope that WASH will be the top agenda of our political parties, who are likely to promise the moon again instead of pledging to bring about small changes in our lives unless and until we make them do it.   

Suffice it to say: Most of these toilets stink to high heaven. Water is hardly available in these toilets and brave sanitary staff stationed there are without personal protective equipment (PPE). On more than one occasion, yours truly had no option but to return without going to the loo for obvious reasons. 

Many government offices use members of the public as second-grade citizens in the matters of the loo. At such offices, the toilets meant for the ‘commoners’ are generally unclean, whereas those meant for their employees are kept clean and locked to prevent the public from (mis-) using them. This level of disrespect for the taxpayer is exceptional and simply unforgivable. 

So much so, the toilets at such infection-prone areas like hospitals are far from clean, generally. Granted that they almost always remain crowded and keeping them clean at all times is a challenging job. But imagine what will happen if hospitals themselves turn into disease/infection hotspots? 

With those parts of our public lives that should be the cleanest at their filthiest, what would the status of public health be, is anyone’s guess. The pandemic should have woken us, including those with the means, ways and authority at their disposal, up to the threat that these toilets pose, but hasn't.      

Would a nightmare like the one yours truly had wake up our authorities from deep slumber and press them to make sure that our public toilets remain clean? If it would, I wish them all some compelling nightmares. 

We have a problem. We don’t share what we need, create stories in our heads about why others will not understand and end up blaming them for how unpleasant we feel.

How often have you wished for people around you to read what's on your mind without having to express it? How often have you expected them to understand what you wanted without communicating? I know I have. When they have failed to predict what I needed in some situations, I've aid things like, "Malai kasaile bujhdaina" or “Mero barema matlab bhaeko bhaye afai bujhi halthyo ni!”

It is understandable that we have expectations from people we live and work with. However, imagine your default being expecting from others without communicating what you need and being frustrated when things don’t go as you hoped for. Miscommunication, misunderstandings, and conflicts would ensue. This is what we experience most of the time, don’t we? When we try to save the effort of making ourselves understood, problems are bound to follow.

Empathic communication can help us. It means putting aside the assumptions and interpretations we have about each other and trying to understand what we need, what matters to us, and how we can support each other.

Here is an example of connecting with your partner:

 What went well today?

They might mention things that went well at work, how they completed a long overdue assignment or the fact that they worked out. You can then share your high moments of the day—no matter how big or small. Such a conversation will allow both of you to understand what you enjoy and hold dearly.

What did not go well today? What was bothering you?

Here you and your partner will have the space to address things or events that were unpleasant throughout the day. You two can share what did not go well for you both at work, school, with your parents, children, or some area of your life. Here your partner might even be able to share how some of your actions or behaviors might have caused them difficulty and how the same might have happened for you too. They might say, “I was looking forward to talking to you, but you didn’t pick my call earlier today.” “I was hoping to see the dishes washed after getting home since you promised to help with it.”

What are you looking forward to?

Despite the highs and lows, there might be some things or events you and your partner might be looking forward to. For your partner, it might be a work presentation, a date with you over the weekend, or meeting some friends. For you, it could be a football match, watching a movie together, or applying for a fellowship or a program. Sharing what you both are anticipating can help you find spaces to support each other.

As in the example above, we can use a simple tool—‘Rose, Thorn, Bud’ to reflect on our daily experiences and connect with each other—colleagues at work, friends and parents.

Rose is a highlight, success, or something positive that happened throughout the day. Ask yourself and others: What's a recent highlight? What's a small win or success you've experienced? What made you proud?

Thorn is a challenge or struggle you experienced or something for which you require more support. Ask yourself and others: What has been challenging? What is causing difficulty or stress? What needs your attention moving forward?

Bud is a new idea, possibility, or something you are looking forward to knowing, understanding, or experiencing more. Ask yourself and others: What are you looking forward to? What opportunities or events are exciting you? What possibilities need growth and nurturing?

Using the Rose, Thorn, Bud can help us with:

1. Self-awareness: We better understand what’s going well, what’s not and what we are looking forward to.

2. Empathy: We better understand what’s going well for others, what’s not and what they are looking forward to.

3. Empathic Connection: We give others a better chance at understanding what our inner world has been like and how, perhaps, they could contribute to our wellbeing. Likewise, we could do the same for them.

Understanding ourselves and other people is not easy, but with effort and the right resources, we can create an environment where doing so becomes a deliberate and engaging process.

The author is Linchpin at My Emotions Matter, an education initiative that helps individuals and teams learn the mindset and skills of Emotional Intelligence. You can learn more at myemotionsmatter.com

In a democracy, holding regular periodic elections is an essential practice. Thus substantive concepts of democracy and electoral integrity, rather than existing international/national laws and standards, should guide their postponement. Periodic elections strengthen the democratic system while postponing them breaks institutional certainty, increasing the risk of a democratic breakdown.

The requirement of regular elections was famously enshrined into Article 21(3) of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Clear-cut provisions in other internationally agreed documents, covenants, and understandings are widely used in democratic countries. Even autocrats hesitate to postpone their faux elections as they claim to be working for the people and democracy.

There are some globally recognized exceptions that can be used to postpone elections. Article 4 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights states that “in time of public emergency which threatens the life of the nation and the existence of which is officially proclaimed, the State’s Parties … may take measures derogating from their obligations under the present Covenant to the extent strictly required by the exigencies of the situation”.

Likewise, international electoral assistance agencies have issued guidance that any emergency provisions—like postponing polls—must be proportionate, nondiscriminatory, temporary, and limited in scope. Postponement is justified during unprecedented times such as the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic or a natural disaster that may endanger the lives of civilians.

Unfortunately, incumbents often postpone elections to hold on to power. The postponement might be for an indefinite time, for example when power is seized by a military coup, as in Myanmar. Elections are also postponed to undercut opposition parties and their followers, to buy time to change public opinion, or to create a more favorable situation for winning elections. The postponement of Venezuelan elections in 2016–2018 exemplifies this latter case.

Other reasons for postponement could be a political crisis resulting in institutional breakdown, thereby preventing scheduled elections. Or there could be a political stalemate and constitutional crisis. But indefinite postponement of elections goes beyond democratic norms and is thus unacceptable.

Nepal’s Election Commission urged the government to fix a date of local elections. The ruling alliance partners immediately invoked the contradictory provisions in the constitution and local level election laws, trying to justify postponing elections for time being. According to Article 225 of the constitution, election to local bodies should be held within six months from the completion of the five-years tenure of current local representatives. However, Clause 3 of the Local Level Election Laws clearly stipulates that local elections should be held two months prior to the expiry of the term of these representatives.

Constitutional experts advised the government as the constitution is the supreme law of the land, it should prevail in disputes. The government intent was to amend the local level election act to make it compatible with the constitutional provisions. But leader of main opposition party KP Oli ruled out any postponement on any pretext. He accused the ruling parties of searching for ways to postpone elections that they feared losing.

Comrade Puhspa Kamal Dahal proposed an election of the House of Representatives prior to local level elections. But that would entail dissolving the parliament prior to the announcement of elections. It would also be in clear violation of an earlier Supreme Court verdict. Thankfully, all local election postponement plans seem to have failed—and rightfully so.

Election postponement may be democratically legitimate in a variety of circumstances, including during natural disasters or humanitarian crises. But in the case of Nepal, there was not a single good reason to postpone local level elections. This might be the reason that the Government of Nepal has at long last agreed to hold elections in line with the proposal of the Election Commission.

The author is former Secretary, Government of Nepal