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We have been together for three years now and we are planning to get married. But we often find ourselves arguing over finances and that is creating a strain in our relationship. What are some effective strategies for us to address financial disagreements without harming our relationship?

Answered by Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

It’s great that you’re proactively seeking strategies to address financial disagreements. Money can be a sensitive topic, but with open communication and a shared approach, it can become a source of strength in your relationship. 

First and foremost, open and honest communication with your partner is the key. Schedule a time to discuss finances when both of you are calm and focused. It’s important that you both understand each other’s money mindset. Explore each other’s attitudes toward saving, spending, and financial priorities. Recognize that differences in financial attitudes often stem from upbringing and personal experiences, not from a lack of care or responsibility.

Plan on setting common goals. Identify short-term and long-term financial goals together, such as saving for a wedding, buying a home, or planning for retirement. Align your spending and saving habits with these shared goals. Also, learn and discuss about creating a budget together. Work together to draft a monthly budget that accounts for income, expenses, savings, and discretionary spending. Use tools like apps or spreadsheets to track expenses and ensure transparency.

Divide financial responsibilities. Decide how to split expenses—whether equally, proportionally to income, or another method that feels fair to both. Assign roles for managing specific aspects of finances, like paying bills, monitoring investments, or managing savings. It’s important to understand that you must agree on a threshold for discretionary spending that doesn’t require prior consultation (e.g., purchases over a certain amount need mutual agreement). This helps avoid surprises and builds trust between each other. Schedule monthly discussions to review your budget, discuss progress toward goals, and address any concerns. Treat these meetings as collaborative rather than confrontational.

If financial planning feels overwhelming, consult a financial advisor to help you create a plan. A neutral third party can offer objective insights and strategies. Acknowledge and validate each other’s financial priorities, even if they differ. Compromise when and where necessary to ensure both partners feel heard and valued.

Remind yourselves of why you’re together and the life you’re building as a couple. Avoid letting financial disagreements overshadow your relationship’s positive aspects. For those couples who are planning to get married or stay together, it’s important to be honest with each other. Talk about your financial expectations even before marriage or companionship. Share your financial histories, including how you were raised to think about money, your current financial situation, and your future goals. Be transparent about your income, debts, and spending habits.

Approach disagreements with empathy and a willingness to understand, rather than with the intention to win the argument. A therapist can help you address underlying issues and develop better communication and conflict resolution skills. By working as a team and prioritizing your relationship over financial disputes, you can build a stronger foundation for your future together.

I’m a college student and I have a job as well. Whenever I have some free time, I like to sleep or scroll through social media. My parents have a problem with it. They think I’m neglecting my studies. But I’m also using my phone for college and work. Also, technology isn’t necessarily bad. I don’t like it when my parents misunderstand me. How can I bridge this communication gap and make them understand that modern technology can align with traditional values? 

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist

I’m going to assume you are in your late teens or early 20s as this kind of problem is more common in that age group. What you are facing is more likely to be a perception vs reality situation. Your parents think social media can harm you but it might be helping you deal with everyday pressures. What you can do here is share how you feel and how social media or technology is helping you in your studies, work, and personal life. 

Generational gap can lead to many problems in the family, especially where technology is concerned. They didn’t have access to it during their times so it will take them a while to get used to it and start seeing its advantages. You can reassure them that you won’t let it hamper your studies or career. Try sharing how you feel it helps you and they might slowly start understanding. 

It can also be a good idea to acknowledge their concerns and appreciate their advice. This way they will feel like you are hearing them out and not dismissing them. In the process, you can also share your thoughts and communicate why you do the things you do so that they get an insight into the workings of your mind as well. 

Try to involve them when you are using the internet. If you are watching something on YouTube, maybe you can get them to watch it with you. Ask them what they would like to watch and tell them what you are interested in. Sharing interests can lead to open communication and a better understanding of one another. 

Every parent worries about their child. Yours too are just looking out for you. In this case, if you are open and honest with them, they will eventually come around. The key is sharing how you feel and explaining things to them. 

I dropped out of college and I’m uncertain about my career. I don’t know how to move ahead. What should I do to choose a career path? I find myself torn between pursuing digital marketing and starting my own business. On the other hand, I would also like to explore my interest in culinary arts, given that I enjoy talking and making connections. I’m feeling confused and uncertain. 

Answered by Khushbu Agarwal, Psychologist

Choosing a career path is undeniably one of the most significant decisions we make in life. It has the potential to shape our future, our lifestyle, and even our sense of self. This is why it’s crucial to approach this decision with careful consideration and avoid rushing into a choice.

However, many young people, particularly those who have dropped out of college, find themselves grappling with a daunting sense of career confusion. This confusion can manifest in various ways—uncertainty about their interests, an overwhelming number of options, or simply a lack of direction. This uncertainty can be a significant source of stress and anxiety. But it’s important to remember that it’s a natural and surmountable challenge.

Career confusion, in essence, is an ‘epistemic emotion’. This means it’s a natural emotion arising from the process of learning and acquiring knowledge. It’s a signal that you’re grappling with complex questions about your future and seeking deeper understanding. Feeling confused about your career path can motivate you to explore different options, research potential fields, and connect with professionals in those areas.

After dropping out of college, it’s understandable to feel a heightened sense of uncertainty. This is a significant life transition, and it’s natural to feel a bit lost. The key is to channel this uncertainty into productive exploration. Begin by identifying your core values and interests. What matters to you? What activities bring you genuine joy and fulfillment? What are your natural strengths and talents?

Once you have a clearer understanding of your values and interests, it’s time to explore potential career paths. Conduct thorough research on different fields that align with your interests. Read articles, watch documentaries, and attend industry events to gain a deeper understanding of the realities of these professions.

Don’t underestimate the power of self-reflection. Tools like personality assessments can offer valuable insights into your personality traits and potential career paths. Consider creating mind maps to visualize your thoughts and connect different ideas. Weighing the pros and cons of different career options can also provide valuable clarity.

Career exploration is an ongoing journey, not a race. It’s perfectly normal to feel uncertain along the way. Embrace this uncertainty as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Prioritize your well-being during this period of transition. Engage in activities that bring you joy, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and develop effective stress management techniques.

It’s crucial to understand that your career path isn’t set in stone. It’s a dynamic and evolving journey. Be open to exploring new interests, adapting to changing circumstances, and embracing new opportunities as they arise. Many successful individuals have forged fulfilling careers in fields they never initially considered.

Don’t be afraid to take calculated risks and step outside your comfort zone. Explore new options, experiment with different roles, and embrace the learning process.

Career counseling can be an invaluable resource during this period of transition. A qualified counselor can provide guidance, help you understand yourself better, and assist you in making informed career decisions.

Finally, it’s essential to consider the job market trends in your area of interest. Some careers are in high demand, while others may have limited job opportunities. Researching the job market can help you make informed decisions and increase your chances of career success.

I’m feeling really nervous about being judged but I wanted to ask if it’s normal to feel exhausted and sad after using social media, especially Instagram? Every time I scroll through the site, I get flashbacks of what happened a year ago and I find myself getting upset and stuck in those memories. This makes it hard for me to sleep because I end up forcing myself to think about things I don’t want to remember. How can I stop this cycle and feel better?

Answered by Dr Rika Rijal, consultant psychiatrist

First, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing how you feel. It’s not easy to open up, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. What you’re describing is actually a common experience for many people, especially when social media triggers past memories or emotions. 

Platforms like Instagram and Facebook often display curated highlights of lives, which can amplify feelings of inadequacy, sadness, or longing, especially if you’re already feeling vulnerable. Similarly seeing posts or memories can remind you of a difficult time that can act as emotional triggers thus bringing back intense feelings or unresolved issues. This can further overstimulate your brain, making it harder to wind down, leading to overthinking and difficulty sleeping.

It’s important that you set boundaries. Limit your screen time, especially before bed. Consider using apps or phone settings to monitor and restrict your usage. You can curate your feed to reduce triggers. Sometimes restricting or muting accounts that bring up negative emotions can also be helpful. Similarly, journaling about your feelings can help externalize and process your emotions. 

In order to create a healthy lifestyle, make a night time ritual. Replace usage of mobile phones with some calming activities, like reading, journaling, or meditating. Try deep breathing exercises or Jacobson’s progressive muscle relaxation to help calm your mind before bed. 

Since your sleep is being affected, focusing on sleep hygiene can be a key step in breaking this cycle. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule. You should optimize your sleep environment. Limit screen time before bed. Avoid screens (phones, tablets, TVs) at least one to two hours before bedtime, as the blue light can suppress melatonin production, making it harder to fall asleep. If you must use your phone, enable night mode or use blue-light-blocking glasses.

When you notice yourself spiraling into past memories, try grounding techniques. This technique involves naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. Redirect your attention to something engaging, like a hobby or a podcast. Learn to practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel sad or upset. These emotions are part of healing. Focus on self-care and activities that bring you joy or relaxation.

If these feelings persist or worsen, or if they start to interfere significantly with your daily life, it might be helpful to consult a mental health professional. They can provide tailored strategies to help you process your emotions and regain control. Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. You deserve peace and happiness, and seeking support can be a powerful step in your journey.