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I have spent the past 28 years raising my children and supporting my husband, but now I want to pursue my own dreams and start a business. I’ve always wanted to have a bakery, and now that my children have grown up, I finally have the chance to pursue it. However, every time I bring it up with my husband, he dismisses the idea. I can see that he doesn’t want to invest in my venture. I wish my family would understand how important this is to me and support me in this new chapter of my life. I want them to know I’m capable of achieving something meaningful outside of the role of a housewife. Being unable to convince my partner is affecting me. I don’t want to be a housewife for the rest of my life. What should I do?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Your self-motivation to pursue your passion is commendable. The problem here lies in a lack of communication skills and convincing ability. When communication and persuasion fall short, you may feel demotivated and guilty. The starting point should be the repetition of your agenda in a kind and gentle manner, which may eventually lead to convincing him. However, when repeating the agenda, ensure you’re kinder and gentler.

The main point is open communication, looking forward to the best time and place, which will make it easier for you to express yourself openly. In open communication, the main thing to remember is to keep realistic expectations and set proper boundaries. Realistic expectations refer to what you’re going to do and expecting something achievable, while boundaries refer to balancing family responsibilities and personal aspirations.

Self-care helps a lot. You should make self-care a priority. The two important things for self-care are compassion and mindfulness. This helps you understand what you’re going through and why you’re struggling with this particular issue. You can see yourself as a friend, like, “Okay, there’s at least one person who understands me, and that’s me.”

If it still feels like it’s not working out, you may seek support from your family. If there are any family members whom your husband actually listens to, you can seek support and help from them as well. You could discuss the benefits of change, the benefits of your plan to your husband and the whole family as well.

Or maybe there’s a reason behind your husband not agreeing. For example, some people might be insecure due to past experiences. Maybe he’s scared of what might happen if the business goes into loss due to lack of experience. So, it’s important to know the reasons behind his resistance, which may help you approach the conversation with empathy and sensitivity.

You could try to convince him about growing together. Show him the positive sides to convince him of your plan. If you’re not able to manage and lack motivation, consider seeking therapy. Reach out to a therapist to work on yourself as well as help you with communication and persuasion skills.

I’m 15 years old and I’m studying in the ninth grade. I've been going through a lot lately. I’m struggling academically, and my teachers constantly compare me to my friends which only adds to my stress. Despite my efforts, I can’t meet their expectations and that makes me sad and I lose motivation. I have repeatedly requested my parents to put me in a different school but they don’t listen to me.  I feel so alone and helpless. I just want someone to understand that this is hurting me. What can I do?

Answered by Dristy Moktan, psychosocial counselor

The teenage phase is often a challenging stage of self-discovery. We are constantly trying to figure out who we are, and a supportive environment is crucial for expressing ourselves freely. It’s a good thing that you put the effort into writing this message to reach out for help. This shows a great deal of self-awareness and your willingness to deal with the challenges from your end.

Academic struggles can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that academic excellence isn’t for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay. Let’s normalize the idea that success can come in many forms. We all have unique strengths and abilities. Instead of just focusing on areas of difficulty, why don’t we explore our passions and interests?  Delving into your hobbies can bring a sense of comfort, acceptance, and the very self-worth you seem to be seeking.

Sometimes, parents and teachers, in their desire to motivate, might make comparisons or comments that might feel harsh on young people leading them to become disappointed and self critical. For readers who are parents and teachers, the key is listening to them. When young people express struggles, it’s crucial to listen and validate their feelings, rather than dismiss their concerns.

It’s never an ideal way to make comparisons instead embrace their individuality and work together to find solutions. Parents and teachers might be their only support system and when they don’t get that support it’s likely that they might end up not trusting other people around their circle too.

And for children and students who are facing this, it’s very important to discover who you are.  Reflect on who you are, not just who others expect you to be. Let’s take the opportunity to know ourselves better because that’s when we can communicate our needs better with the people around us. Knowing oneself also empowers us to communicate our needs assertively—expressing our thoughts and feelings directly without holding back, respectfully, and without fear of disappointing anyone.

About the conversation that you had with your parents about changing schools, do you think you could be more expressive about why you’re requesting this by assertively addressing your concerns?

One technique that you could use while communicating your needs could be: I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [impact] and I need you to [your needs along with what can be done to make it better]

In your case with your parents the wordings may look something like “I’m feeling overwhelmed when my teachers compare me to my friends because my efforts aren’t acknowledged, even though I’m trying my best in school which is impacting my motivation. I believe a new school that caters to my needs could be a better fit for me.”

Despite your efforts if you still think your needs aren’t met, consider building a broader support system apart from your parents. A trusted adult can be a listening ear and an advocate for you. They might even help you communicate your concerns to your parents.

At 25, I didn’t expect life to involve caring for my ill father after my mother’s passing. I wake early to prepare meals, manage medicines, and ensure his comfort before work, straining my income and personal goals. It’s not that I’m tired of caring for him, but I yearn to focus on my career too. I seek balance and reassurance that prioritizing my well-being is acceptable as I care for him. I’m ready to do everything it takes to make sure my mental state doesn’t suffer. I’m determined to navigate this path with courage and compassion, knowing that my well-being and personal growth are intertwined with my caregiving duties. But how do I start?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I want to acknowledge your strength and dedication, which have contributed significantly to your father’s improvement. It’s commendable that you’re balancing caregiving responsibilities and your own needs and aspirations during this challenging time.

Your awareness of the importance of self-care and seeking reassurance indicates that you need a social support system and open communication. Speaking openly about your feelings, particularly with your father, can foster understanding and cooperation, ultimately benefiting both of you.

It’s crucial to set realistic expectations for yourself. Be gentle, and break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable ones. Establish clear boundaries between your caregiving responsibilities and personal life, perhaps by designating specific hours for caregiving and other time for your goals and needs.

Prioritizing self-care is essential. Acknowledge your efforts and strengths, practice self-care without guilt, and recognize what you gain from self-care activities rather than focusing on what you’re missing. Practicing mindfulness and journaling can also be beneficial.

If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek support from family, friends, or professional counseling. Sharing experiences with others and prioritizing your well-being are crucial. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a step towards a stronger journey.

At 25, taking on significant responsibilities is a great achievement, but it’s okay to seek external support to balance both. You’re doing a fantastic job, but it’s essential to take care of yourself to provide effective caregiving and maintain personal strength at the same time.

I’m a 46-year-old housewife. I wake up every morning to the same routine. I cook breakfast, clean the house, do the laundry, and run errands. My days blur together in a never-ending cycle of chores. Despite my efforts, I feel like I’m constantly overlooked and unappreciated by my family. The exhaustion is taking its toll on me, both physically and mentally. I long for a break from this monotonous life, but I feel trapped, unable to escape the demands of my daily responsibilities. I need to break free from this cycle and find some much-needed relief. Please help!

Answered by Shravasti Tuladhar, psychosocial counselor

It’s no easy feat to be a housewife. A home needs a lot of looking after and that you are doing everything you can is commendable and appreciable. The weight of managing a Nepali household—the endless cycle of cooking, cleaning, and errands—is something many homemakers can understand.

These countless tasks, often performed with unwavering dedication, can leave you feeling overlooked and undervalued. This constant pressure can lead to exhaustion, a sense of isolation, and the feeling of being trapped in a never-ending cycle.

It’s difficult but not impossible to get over the feeling you’re experiencing. First, acknowledge your worth. Start by recognizing the immense value you bring to your family by managing the household. It’s a demanding and often thankless job, but essential for your family’s wellbeing.

Communicate your needs. Start talking openly with your family about feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes, we carry the weight of the household because we feel responsible for everyone and everything. However, a healthy family thrives when everyone contributes. By delegating tasks, seeking help from others, and establishing healthy boundaries, you create space for yourself and empower others to take responsibility.

This not only reduces your burden but also adds value to your contributions to the family. The next step is to prioritize self-care. A woman works and cares for everyone but often fails to care for herself. Schedule time for activities you enjoy, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. This could be reading, taking a walk, or connecting with friends and family. You deserve a break. It's important to remember that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential for your well-being and the well-being of your family.

If you feel overwhelmed and feel like nothing is working, seek support. Reaching out to a professional is a great step. It acknowledges the need for support. Don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can give guidance to manage stress, help you rediscover your passions, discuss your feelings in detail, and create a sense of fulfillment in your life.