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I have a job at my college and an internship elsewhere. Juggling work and studies has caused my social life to suffer, and I’m spending less time with my family. I find it challenging to balance everything, but I worry about missing out on opportunities if I give something up. How can I manage everything while still maintaining my social life and making sure I spend quality time with my family?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Balancing work, studies, and an internship, alongside maintaining a social life and making time for yourself and family is undoubtedly a challenging feat, especially at your age. It requires exceptional time management skills and dedication. Your effort to juggle these responsibilities and make the most out of each aspect of your life is truly commendable.

There are several psychological factors that might be contributing to your situation, one of which could be perfectionism coupled with a fear of missing out. You might feel the need to excel in everything you do and be the best in every aspect of your life. This can lead to a state of being overly available and constantly on high alert. Such a personality trait is indeed challenging. This often results in taking on multiple roles, which can be emotionally exhausting.

Another reason for your situation could be feelings of guilt and obligation. You may feel guilty about not spending enough time with your family and friends, leading to a persistent sense of obligation. These thoughts create a cycle where you constantly worry about not meeting their expectations. This sense of duty can be overwhelming.

If you feel your situation stems from a fear of missing out at work, which puts you in a constant state of high alert, leading to distraction, stress, and the feeling that there’s never enough time to complete everything, it’s important to reassess your priorities.

Start by prioritizing your tasks and clearly defining what needs to be done, how to do it, and when. Learning and applying effective time management techniques can help significantly. For instance, try time-blocking, where you dedicate specific blocks of time exclusively for work, study, and personal life. This way, you can avoid letting these different aspects of your life overlap and cause further stress.

Communication is also crucial. Try talking to your family and friends, explaining that your work commitments leave you with less time to spend quality time with them. You might be surprised at how understanding and supportive they can be. Without this communication, you might feel even guiltier, thinking your family believes you’re neglecting them, which can lead to feelings of double burden and anxiety. Regularly checking in with them, asking how they’re doing, and ensuring they’re okay in small, consistent interactions can bridge this communication gap and alleviate some of your stress.

You should focus on setting boundaries, especially if you feel overwhelmed by taking on too much at once. Reflect on whether your situation is driven by uncertainty, insecurity, or fear, as understanding this is equally important for your emotional well-being.

Seeking professional support might be beneficial. A therapist can help you manage stress, responsibilities, and provide guidance on coping strategies and techniques to restructure your thought patterns. This professional assistance can be invaluable in navigating your current challenges.

Throughout my life, I’ve faced challenges in communicating with others. I’ve often found myself selectively mute, feeling comfortable speaking only to those I’ve developed close bonds with, while remaining silent around others. This silence isn’t by choice, rather, I struggle to initiate conversations and engage in meaningful dialogue. This pattern has been a constant in my life, making it difficult for me to interact with new people, including some family members. Consequently, I’ve encountered difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships with friends, family, and others. How can I address this issue and improve my ability to communicate effectively?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

You’ve demonstrated great courage in acknowledging and sharing your communication challenges, as dealing with such issues can be incredibly tough. I truly appreciate you opening up to us about your difficulties.

Psychologically, this could be due to a variety of factors, including anxiety or a fear of judgment about potential outcomes, lack of communication skills or past experience of not being heard. These factors can create a sense of apprehension that makes social interactions daunting. Your past experiences might also play a significant role, influencing your preference to wait for others to initiate conversations rather than starting them yourself. These experiences can create a feeling that it’s safer to let others take the lead in interactions.

If neither a fear of judgment nor negative past experiences are contributing factors, it might be due to a lack of social skills. For instance, you might feel uncertain about how to start or when to initiate a conversation. Even in the absence of negative past experiences, this uncertainty can lead to difficulties in navigating present social scenarios.

If you feel like anxiety is one of the root causes of your problems, you should consider practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques. Practicing breathing exercises and engaging in mindfulness activities before starting a conversation could be inhaling on the count 1-2-3-4 and exhaling on the same count. These exercises can help calm your mind and reduce anxiety, making it easier for you to initiate and engage in conversations with greater ease and confidence. By regularly practicing these techniques, you might find yourself becoming more comfortable and effective in social interactions.

If you frequently feel a fear of judgment from those in your social circle, it would be advantageous to seek out a more supportive relationship. This kind of relationship will not only encourage you but also validate your efforts to communicate more effectively. For instance, by spending time with people who truly understand your challenges and refrain from judging you, can create a more positive and affirming environment.

Sometimes, you might notice a recurring pattern of knowing you should start a conversation but failing to do so. In such cases, it’s helpful to challenge your thoughts and strive to increase your social interactions, which can reduce anxiety and enhance your communication skills. There are various techniques to eliminate cognitive distortions, such as cognitive restructuring, where we identify and address these distortions. Additionally, we can utilize different therapeutic models to tackle negative self-perceptions by employing cognitive restructuring methods.

Journaling can also be beneficial. You should try to be specific about which interactions you found challenging and the difficulties you encountered. Note the judgments that hindered you in various settings of your daily life. Reflect on what is holding you back by keeping a self-reflection journal, focusing on distinguishing facts from fiction.

Skill building, thought restructuring, and self-care are essential. By understanding the psychological reasons behind your issues, we can enhance your communication abilities. Progress will be gradual, steadily increasing your confidence. The good news is that, despite the various underlying causes of your problems, there is a way to address and improve them.

I’ve been struggling with feelings of frustration because it seems like my family members never appreciate what I do. Whenever I achieve something significant or express my opinions, they tend to take the spotlight away from me and dismiss my contributions. How can I manage these toxic family interactions and maintain my well-being?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

I understand that feeling frustrated and unappreciated by your family is incredibly difficult and can be very disheartening. Your accomplishments and opinions are important, and it’s crucial to find a way to assert their significance while also taking care of your own well-being.

Feeling frustrated and undervalued can often stem from family dynamics where your efforts may go unappreciated. These emotions might also arise from unmet emotional needs and personal fulfillment. To begin addressing these feelings, try journaling as a way to process your emotions and gain self-awareness. Write down specific instances when you felt dismissed, including the details of where, when, and what mattered. This can help you better understand and accept your feelings.

Improving and developing your communication skills can be beneficial, such as practicing assertive expression of your feelings. For example, using ‘I’ statements can foster better self-connection. Additionally, calmly and consistently sharing your boundaries with your family is important. Express to them that you would like to be appreciated and acknowledged for your roles in the family. Instead of hoping they will understand your needs on their own, gently communicating your feelings can make a big difference.

It's important to have a close support group or circle of friends where you feel comfortable and appreciated. Sharing and celebrating your achievements with trusted individuals outside your family can be very fulfilling. These friends can offer genuine responses and support, helping you feel valued. Seeking validation from close friends or individuals outside of your family can provide the encouragement and recognition that you might not always receive at home.

If you feel like you don’t have a close support group, it’s important to focus on self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your own feelings and accomplishments. Practicing self-affirmation can help with this. Reflect on what you are going through and celebrate your achievements, focusing on what has gone right rather than what has gone wrong. Embrace the mindset of ‘I’m my own best friend,’ and remind yourself that you are there for yourself.

Keep in mind that your value isn’t determined through validation of others, but rather by your own recognition of your worth and accomplishments. It’s your self-perception that should shape your sense of self-worth.

If you find that these strategies aren’t working for you, professional support might be beneficial. If your frustrations persist, seeking help from a therapist can provide you with detailed strategies to cope. Therapy offers a safe space to explore your emotions and family dynamics, and it can help you develop personalized plans to maintain your well-being.

My parents divorced before I turned ten, and my father was mostly absent from my life. Recently, he tried to reconnect, promising to support my future, but I fear he might abandon me again. This lingering hurt creates a barrier between us, built from years of disappointment. I’m torn between giving him a chance and protecting myself from potential hurt. Should I rebuild our relationship or keep my guard up?

Answered by Kapil Sharma, counseling psychologist, Nepal Institute of Mental Health

Despite the challenging circumstances, you have bravely shared your feelings, and I’m grateful that you have taken this important step towards seeking help. Many people go through similar emotions due to factors like parental absence and emotional distance during their childhood and it’s natural to want to protect yourself.

Psychologically, this fear of abandonment and hesitancy to form attachments is a common struggle, particularly among those whose parents have divorced. Rest assured that you aren’t alone in feeling this way. Many people face these same fears.

Developing self-awareness is a key step in your healing journey. You can begin with self-reflection and introspection, in order to understand your needs, for instance start by journaling about yourself, your expectations from your father, the possibility of reconnecting, and what triggers you emotionally. This will help you gain clarity and understand the root of your fears and desires.

Prioritizing self-care is essential. Engage in activities that nurture your well-being, such as journaling or exercise. When you’re facing challenges, focusing on self-care is a way to support yourself through those tough times.

After delving into self-care, communication emerges as another crucial aspect for you to address. The prospect of reconnecting may evoke confusion and uncertainty due to a fear of being abandoned again. To address these concerns, it’s important to have an open conversation with your father about your expectations, emphasizing the need for consistency. Be honest in all forms of communication with your father to establish realistic expectations.

Naturally, resolving things won’t happen instantly. After sincere communication, gradual reconnection is vital. Take small steps to build your relationship by observing your father’s consistency and efforts. As you start to feel trust, through activities like meetups and phone calls, your bond with him will gradually strengthen.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by these new experiences, it’s perfectly acceptable to seek therapeutic support. Therapists can provide coping strategies and assist you in making decisions, offering valuable help during this process.

The choice to reconnect or remain guarded is entirely yours, based on what feels right for you. Trust your instincts, focus on awareness, emotional healing, communication, and take things one step at a time.